Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:28 pm

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Re: Relationships

Postby Gracerath » Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:32 am

My problems seem small compared to what I've read over the past few pages. I hope everything works out for the best for everyone.

I don't date. My social life has never really existed and I wanted to change that. I finally meet someone and we go out. Twice! Both times they went really well I thought. We had interesting conversations that lasted over 2 hours each time. We laughed and smiled a lot. I was only a little awkward, way less than I thought I'd be. She gave me her number and we texted back and forth a bunch. After the second date, I asked if maybe she wanted to come over for dinner next week for a 3rd date, meet my puppies and watch some sort of drama on Netflix (she just started House of Cards and I'd rewatch that shit no problem). Now, I know that inviting someone over for dinner and TV can be code for something more intimate but I was being genuine with my intentions. I wanted to cook and watch House of Cards. At any rate, she seemed very agreeable and said she'd get back to me. A few days later I ask her if she's given any thought to the get together and said she couldn't make it. I asked if she would prefer another time or if maybe she felt it was too soon for that kind of date. She said it was too soon. Not a problem at all, I say. Would you prefer to do something more traditional? Perhaps dinner and a movie at a theater? And ... that's where it ended. It has been a week now and she completely disappeared. At first I was kind of worried. Did something happen to her? Then confused and angry and a bit hurt. That's where I am now. I'd love to examine the little black box and figure out where I went wrong but she doesn't respond. I wish she'd just tell me. I'm an adult. People go on dates and don't work out all the time. No harm done. I'm not going to be that annoying needy person that blows up her phone with texts. I basically left it open ended that she can contact me any time if she wishes and I'd love to see her again. If she was going to, she would have by now. It just confuses me because on our last date, I asked in person if she would like to continue seeing eachother and she said yes.

I learned a few things from this. I need to keep expectations low. I was falling a bit hard and fast for her. Two dates and a few good nights of text conversations is way too soon to be feeling that way. I do have to thank her though. She got me motivated and back on track with eating better and exercising again. We both shared that struggle and were working on it and I was kind of hoping that if things took off, we could do that stuff together. Ah well. I'm still doing it by myself regularly. I do find the disappearance odd and I truly do hope nothing happened to her. If moving on from two dates is this difficult, I'm going to have a bad time if I get into a longer relationship and it doesn't work out.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Aubade » Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:26 am

It sounds like you had a good experience and a good time with this woman. All you can do now is get back on the horse and hope that the next time goes better =]

In other news though, my local radio station does this "Second date update" segment where they will call the woman in your situation to find out what happened. It's hilarious, sometimes horribly so. But a lot of times they do find a legitimate reason why, and most times the offending party had absolutely no idea what it was that they did wrong.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:14 am

I wish after-action reviews were mandatory on dates. Otherwise we tend to muddle along not realizing exactly what it is we're doing wrong, so we just keep doing it. Then you turn into some 60something who hates themselves, because the only constant in a lifetime of failed relationships is you.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:11 pm

Hey,it's me again.Some time passed again,and things had gotten much worse since then.

A few pages ago I got some "man-up" type of responses to my problems.They contained information in the form of reassurance that I should do what I was thinking back at the time.

I visited a theraphist,2 gyms ,a hair salloon and such.

Theraphist told me tldr: I must accept myself,then took her glasses off and "as a woman ,here is what I think" style told me that I must lower my standards,because I can't live up to shit looks wise,and there isnt really much I can do about it either except if I'm rich.

In one of the two gyms,they laughed at me and thought I was trolling them.
In the other one they told me there aren't any free spots for the trainer,his schedule is full and yada yada,they are veryreallysuper sorry,try somewhere else.There are only these 2 close by (one is 15km away,the other one is 25,in 2 different towns)
At the hair salloon(Since I'm 23 and balding already at my temples a bit,ohyeah genes),they told me they can't help,just get a cheap buzzcut and deal with it,it's a place for ppl with hair,not ppl without or ppl losing it.

Meanwhile,my father started jeporadizing my attempt to get into a university by doing an awful lot of badmouthing,"i donthave any sons", not paying for anything in thehouse my family lives at,disappaering during the day,etc.
My mom as a result,is having a lot of nerve related issues and depression,which are also left to me to handle and help her,because on her own she doesn't stand a chance at anything.

These are the people that were supposed to raise me btw.

Cherry on top,the girl is doing some rather nasty game in the background too i wish I did'nt know of.

Overall,I'm still ugly,I only get uglier and I have some gene related issues like the balding,had to fight acne which fucked my already "average at best" face to hell,etc.

One moment i'm desperete,another moment I'm angry at life,I barely sleep anymore too.Things don't really seem to come together or be in my control whatever I do.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:27 pm

Are you sure that was a therapist you saw?

I'm pretty confident that every woman ever will back me on this when I say: confidence is key. So what if you look like a beluga whale that's also a quad amputee and requires the aid of a riding lawnmower to keep your back hair from developing its own ecosystem - own that shit. You are who you are, and if anyone says you aren't worth a relationship then fuck 'em.

Ever gone walking outside and seen some horrific excuse for humanity with a very attractive woman on his arm, and thought to yourself, "Gee, he must be rich or something"? He probably isn't. He's confident and wears his own skin well.

You want a relationship, start with yourself. You don't have to have looks, or power, or money, or a big dick, or flawless skin, or a career, or a house, or a car, or a famous name, or ... well, the list goes on and on. You have to have confidence. Women aren't attracted to men who whine about themselves, their looks, their life, their lifestyle, or who glorify in their shortcomings and use them to explain why they're absolute shit as a person. Period. Ever.

I can't count the number of people who I've seen or heard bitching about how "chicks are only attracted to assholes" - well ask yourself this: what is the ONE THING said "assholes" have in common with each other?

It's an easy question to answer. They have a rock solid sense of self-worth and self-confidence that's completely unshakable.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Amirya » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:36 pm

Fivelives is right.

As for the rest:

1) That wasn't a professional therapist. Hell, that wasn't a professional, either. Not sure who you spoke to, but no. I'm not a huge fan of therapists personally, for all sorts of fucked up reasons in my head, but I'm 99% sure that's not what she said.

2) I also question both gyms' staff. Every gym I've ever walked into, they want to help you get into shape. It's how they do business - you get into shape, feel better about yourself, tell your friends and family, and they go see this miracle gym too.

3) There's nothing wrong with shaving your head. My roommate also started balding young, so he's typically a cue ball now. Or a white/Hispanic Buddha. Whichever.

Now, my question for you, did all of those people really say exactly that, or is that how you interpreted their statements? What they say and what you hear can easily be 180 degrees apart.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:40 pm

Fivelives pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Confidence will get you so much further than any amount of exercise, hair spray, or clothing.

Not that there's anything wrong with those things, mind you, but try to do them to better yourself, not to try to please others.

I'm kind of surprised that you had that kind of experience at the gym. Even at the local university gym with a high population of "frat bros" I've never had anyone looking down at me or laughing.

However, I have found that most 'trainers' at big box gyms tend to not be particularly... good. I've seen a lot of people coaching incredibly poor form for even the simplest of lifts.


Try looking through the routine at Stronglifts.com or check out the book "Starting Strength."
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:44 am

I took the post with a grain of salt the size of horse lick, myself. That doesn't sound to me like anything ANY therapist would say, and coming from decades spent as a gym rat the only people I've seen talk like that are muscleheads in small, failing gyms.

As far as shaving of heads is concerned, almost everyone who's balding (I include myself in this group, as I've got a Carlin hairline myself) is told by stylists that they should cut their hair short - around 1/4-3/8ths of an inch in length.

Therapist: possible to get a bad one, but even bad ones are professionals.
Personal trainers: their entire business is built on fat slugs wanting to get less fat and less sluggish.
Stylists: get paid to cut hair, not laugh at people for thinning on top.

Final verdict: 80% probability that it's fabricated in order to get attention. But for the benefit of the small possibility that it's actually something that happened (truth being stranger than fiction on occasion), that's my honest advice. Besides, if one person is saying it, then it's almost guaranteed that at least ten others are thinking it.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:40 pm

In other news...

I fell in love with a sexy Italian this weekend, hopefully this will be the start of a long and beautiful relationship.





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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:19 pm

what an amazing figure!
def a hottie!
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:08 am

Eh, needs more CBH. 6/10.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Kal » Wed Mar 12, 2014 1:16 pm

Dat Mercury!
Last edited by Kal on Fri Mar 14, 2014 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Gracerath » Fri Mar 14, 2014 12:32 am

An update.

I finally got her to respond to me today. I sent one last hail mary message to her and it worked. She said she just got out of a long term relationship and thought she was ready to date but turns out she wasn't ready. We had a bit of back and forth and are going to try to be friends with no pressure of anything more until she's ready. What a load off my damn mind knowing that I didn't fuck up somewhere. Or she's just telling me a very convincing lie to spare my feelings. I'll take it.
Bye space sword!
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:17 pm

Fivelives wrote:Eh, needs more CBH. 6/10.


Better?


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