Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Aubade » Fri Dec 06, 2013 10:51 am

I'm not sure how many of you guys are familiar with boogie on youtube. But ever since he did his "draw my life" Talking about his life experiences, I think he's a great example of how life can get better as a "hugless huge virgin"
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Fri Dec 06, 2013 12:08 pm

Aubade wrote:I'm not sure how many of you guys are familiar with boogie on youtube. But ever since he did his "draw my life" Talking about his life experiences, I think he's a great example of how life can get better as a "hugless huge virgin"


I've watched that. All the feels.

Of course when you have yet to solve those problems for yourself it rings slightly hollow. As someone who fits that profile I certainly do find myself feeling all sorts of negative things all the time, especially when faced with the success of others, even those who went through tough times like Francis the youtube celebrity.

But I am also fully cognizant of the fact that its no one else's fault that my life is the way it is and it's entirely up to me to improve it one way or another. No one else can do that for me.

I avoided posting during this chapter of the Relationships thread because I didn't feel I had anything to add, nor any advice that would help. But that comment I felt I had to respond to.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Fri Dec 13, 2013 9:43 am

Right. So, I could use some advice.

I've been best friends with a woman for the last 16 years. We're basically brother and sister. Lately, her boyfriend (of 4 years, now) has been getting RIDICULOUSLY jealous - to the extent that, when the three of us went to see the Hobbit last night, he confronted her - during the movie - about her tendency to grab on to people on both sides of her when she's shocked during a movie. It went something like "would you stop touching him already?" - which upset her greatly, and pissed me right off.

I need to have a talk with this boy, but there's a problem. He's a complete manchild. He's 36 years old, lives with his parents, works a part time retail cashier job (that he's worked for the last 5 years or so without a promotion or more than the raise that comes whenever they up the minimum wage), and spends all of his paycheck on Magic: the Gathering cards and traveling to tournaments in Vegas. He's got a whole host of reasons why I hate him, including but not limited to, making my best friend absolutely miserable. However, my best friend loves surrounding herself with broken people and is convinced that she loves the manchild.

She's okay with me having a talk with him about his jealousy and insecurity, but I need to do so in a way that doesn't torpedo her relationship with him, otherwise it'll lose me my oldest, dearest friend in the process. In this case, for lack of a better term, I'm the "nuclear option". So how would you guys suggest that I go about having The Talk with Stoneskull McManchild without completely destroying my relationship with my best friend?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nooska » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:00 am

First, I would suggest you have a good long think on why he might be jealous (so you can possibly mitigate those fears).

The most obvious to me (combining what you've described with what I've garnered and assumed from tyour other posts), is that you are a "dominant" male (not that you try to dominate, but that you exude all the dominant traits, like confidence etc).
Add to that that he probably doesn't feel like he is a great success (living at home at age 36 (and not being italian*), while being the stereotypical 'nerd', in this case in regards to MtG).

I think you also need to take a good thin on why your best friend has chosen to be with him, starting by setting aside your prejudgement - think him up in other words.
Thats the only way (that I see) that you can salvage this in regards to your friend staying your friend. The other option (apart from talking him down from worries and focusing on him being a good person for your friend) is to NOT be apart of it, so you are not the one to talk to him - that may or may not feel like an option of course.


*Its a standing joke aorund here that men in italy don't move out till they are in their 40's - not sure how much thruth there is to the joke, so apologiges in advance.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:24 pm

I am a very dominant person, yeah, but it's not just me that he's reacting to this way. I wasn't saying there's anything bad about MtG (or nerdery in general), but rather being 36 and spending all your income on games while being supported by someone else - that's the "bad" thing there.

My friend collects broken people. That's her schtick - she absolutely needs to feel "needed" by others. That's probably a large part of why she's with this guy. But she asked me to have a "hey bro, listen" heart to heart with him, and he went from being one of my not-particularly-favorite people to my least favorite person when he picked a fight with her in a movie theater all because she grabbed my arm during the movie. That pissed me off on multiple levels.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fridmarr » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:31 pm

Does she want you to talk to him about his life or just deal with the jealousy issue? If it's the former, that's not going to go well no matter what you say, and I'd stay out of it. If it's the latter, then make sure you leave the rest of that stuff out of it and focus on the jealousy.

So if it is the jealousy, just be honest with and tell him how it is, and let him know your relationship with his GF is plutonic and to knock off the high school crap if he wants to progress with her. If can't handle that, then there's not much you can do and your friend will likely end up dumping him if it bothers her.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Skye1013 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 10:04 am

Date get. That is all.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sun Dec 15, 2013 10:19 am

Skye1013 wrote:Date get. That is all.

<-- jealous
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nooska » Sun Dec 15, 2013 10:41 am

I should follow up on that and invite out the GF.. I have some tickets for a movie, she most likely wants to see the new Hobbit movie.. hmmm...
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Re: Relationships

Postby Skye1013 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 11:16 am

The plan is to get ice cream and watch the first Hunger Games (and possibly the first Hobbit.) He hasn't seen the Hobbit, I haven't seen Hunger Games... seems like a win/win!
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Re: Relationships

Postby Era » Sun Dec 15, 2013 11:25 am

Definitely a win/win! Both good movies. GF and I are planning to go watch the second Hunger Games aaaand the second Hobbit movie near the end of this week (once my exams are done). Might have to re-watch the two first movies first though! :lol:
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Sun Dec 15, 2013 11:54 am

Mmh, sounds like an idea for us - the wife won 5 tickets last week on the radio.

Sadly, already seen HG :-/ Well, Hobbit and something else then.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Sun Dec 15, 2013 8:55 pm

Just saw the Hobbit this afternoon. Objectively decent movie, but not too great of an adaption of the book.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fridmarr » Sun Dec 15, 2013 10:25 pm

Arnock wrote:Objectively decent movie, but not too great of an adaption of the book.

Yeah, I felt pretty much the same way. It's a significantly different story.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Skye1013 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 11:12 pm

Group of us might be going to see it this weekend. One of my coworkers was disappointed in the first one... his comment about it compared to LotR: "It's like a Michael Bay version of LotR... and that's not a good thing."
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