Relationships

[Brekkie]

Yeah, short of open attraction towards the same sex and flirting, looking for "signs" from the past is generally misleading and a waste of time.
There are plenty of people, both gay and straight, who are just not very sexual in general, so looking at someone like that and trying to read "SEE! They have been unenthusiastic about the opposite gender all this time!" into it is not necessarily true.
As for other "signs", stereotypes are stereotypes, and should not be given credence. There are plenty of effeminate men and dominant women who are straight as an arrow.

Honestly I don't think the issue is really binary at all. I think sexuality is more of a sliding scale, with completely straight on one end and completely gay on the other, and most people falling somewhere in-between tending in one direction or the other, but most all of us being bisexual, with it just being a question of degree.

[bldavis]

anyone who claims otherwise, i have a video for you to watch!
(ok ok, at least completely straight guys)



even homophobes are gay to a certain extent(mildly nsfw)

[Passionario]

Honestly I don't think the issue is really binary at all. I think sexuality is more of a sliding scale, with completely straight on one end and completely gay on the other, and most people falling somewhere in-between tending in one direction or the other, but most all of us being bisexual, with it just being a question of degree.

You are not the only one who arrived at that conclusion.

[bldavis]

late tonight, i was being bored and browsed FB when a friend started messaging me and we started chatting
they revealed to me that they were very depressed and stated it was only a matter of time until they tried to commit suicide again

im worried for them, how do i help...
or can i at this point?

[Treck]

I think its more of a 1-10scale of things, and I dont really think anyone would fit at number 1 or 10, but everyone is placed in between.

Honestly I don't think the issue is really binary at all. I think sexuality is more of a sliding scale, with completely straight on one end and completely gay on the other, and most people falling somewhere in-between tending in one direction or the other, but most all of us being bisexual, with it just being a question of degree.

You are not the only one who arrived at that conclusion.

[Levantine]

Kinsey 6 represent~

Also just a little fun fact. People think the kinsey scale as an identifier that they place themselves/other people on when it's actually more of a sexual history. Your current thoughts don't place you on the scale, your actions over the years do.

[Nikachelle]

My mother's father decided he was gay about twenty years into their marriage. Same thing with my aunt deciding she was a lesbian after about 15 years of marriage. I always feel dreadful for the person they eventually have to leave behind.

Minor nitpick on wording. Nobody "decides" to be gay. Either they are or aren't, and whether they choose to "accept" it is up to them.

You're right. Bad terminology on my part. I didn't think before I posted and I feel the same way as you about it.

[Treck]

I read it as "decide" to go public with it.

[Snake-Aes]

Or "realized".

[Nikachelle]

No idea about my grandfather, but it was pretty well established that my aunt knew long before she got married. Whether she told anyone before she got married... I have no idea. But this is what I heard after the divorce. I don't think what she did was particularly fair to my uncle... and he was a great guy. It's a bit of a shame since I haven't seen him since they divorced, and since he's not the blood relative, I guess I'll just never see him again.

[Gab]

There are stories of people accepting their homosexuality considerably late in life (80+ years old.) I'm at an age (27) that I could "consider marriage" (not that I have/had any prospects) but I only came to accept my homosexuality within the last couple of years.

I can understand a person having difficulty accepting or taking time to accept that that person is homosexual. But surely you know that you have certain feelings and that those feelings should be discussed with a significant other prior to a commitment like marriage (although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

That's why I could see it being hard for a person to take. That's a pretty big deception regardless of when the person has accepted the fact that they are homosexual.

[Snake-Aes]

There are stories of people accepting their homosexuality considerably late in life (80+ years old.) I'm at an age (27) that I could "consider marriage" (not that I have/had any prospects) but I only came to accept my homosexuality within the last couple of years.

I can understand a person having difficulty accepting or taking time to accept that that person is homosexual. But surely you know that you have certain feelings and that those feelings should be discussed with a significant other prior to a commitment like marriage (although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

That's why I could see it being hard for a person to take. That's a pretty big deception regardless of when the person has accepted the fact that they are homosexual.

You'll be impressed by how good people are at denial and self-trickery.

[Barathorn]

There are stories of people accepting their homosexuality considerably late in life (80+ years old.) I'm at an age (27) that I could "consider marriage" (not that I have/had any prospects) but I only came to accept my homosexuality within the last couple of years.

I can understand a person having difficulty accepting or taking time to accept that that person is homosexual. But surely you know that you have certain feelings and that those feelings should be discussed with a significant other prior to a commitment like marriage (although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

That's why I could see it being hard for a person to take. That's a pretty big deception regardless of when the person has accepted the fact that they are homosexual.

I completely agree about the deception point you make as it can't be easy to be told something like that. I would imagine that admiting to yourself your feelings must be very hard as well but that doesn't stop the level of deception or the hurt it brings.

I do however refuse to agree as an umbrella statement that

(although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

If I have read that wrong context wise then disregard the following.

Otherwise,

I would argue that its as important as the two people in the marriage make it or want it to be. Another sliding scale perhaps? For some a minor committment, for others something very important that is the bedrock of the relationship and the family building process.

People who say marriage isn't worth anything from my experiances come from families where bitter divorces have taken place, a lot of splits have happened within their peer group or who simply don't believe in the institution of marriage. It then I would imagine becomes self perpetuating in your belief system which you then pass on to your family and peers. Other people however simply choose to acknowledge sometimes things go wrong in life and take that view on it.

My personal view? People get lazy and don't invest time and effort into the relationship and that is sad, all the best things in life rely work and constant attention to make them special. However sometimes something like the realization described in the posts above happens and that causes the marriage to fail.

Either way, marriage is very important to me and I dare say a few others and it isn't correct to describe it as a piece of paper or much less a commitment.

Bara.

[firstamendme]

(although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

I think what you are seeing is just the fact that the stigma surrounding divorce has lessened rather than anyone seeing marriage in a different light.

[Gab]

I do however refuse to agree as an umbrella statement that

(although in this day and age it's not much more than a piece of paper much less a commitment).

If I have read that wrong context wise then disregard the following.

Otherwise,

I would argue that its as important as the two people in the marriage make it or want it to be. Another sliding scale perhaps? For some a minor committment, for others something very important that is the bedrock of the relationship and the family building process.

People who say marriage isn't worth anything from my experiances come from families where bitter divorces have taken place, a lot of splits have happened within their peer group or who simply don't believe in the institution of marriage. It then I would imagine becomes self perpetuating in your belief system which you then pass on to your family and peers. Other people however simply choose to acknowledge sometimes things go wrong in life and take that view on it.

My personal view? People get lazy and don't invest time and effort into the relationship and that is sad, all the best things in life rely work and constant attention to make them special. However sometimes something like the realization described in the posts above happens and that causes the marriage to fail.

Either way, marriage is very important to me and I dare say a few others and it isn't correct to describe it as a piece of paper or much less a commitment.

Bara.

You're right, the statement was far too generalizing, and it is definitely as important as the parties involve make it. What I was getting at is that society as a whole has devalued the sanctity of marriage for whatever reason(s). We are products of our enviroment at least to some extent because of that I can see why some people would not highly value marriage. I'm not arguing whether or not marriage should be sacred to a person as an absolute, just as how it is generally not viewed as such at least in my experiences.

I'm with you that marriage should still be treated with respect, I was just getting the in before "marriage is just a piece of paper" argument. I should have been a bit more specific but it was more of an afterthought.