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Raiding and staying sane

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Raiding and staying sane

Postby Lieris » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:37 pm

I am popping this in the asylum because it doesn't have much to do with the game itself.

Dear livejournal Arkham Asylum,

Recently a friend and I were booted from our guild for making ultimatums regarding raid progression (we had killed Chogall 5 times and still hadn't had a single night on Halfus). At this point I was more or less ready to call it a day with WoW, I had kind of got bored of Cataclysm (the only things that interest me are the paladin class and optimising myself as a tank) and as I said to my friend "I can take it or leave it, I am more than fine having WoW out of my life".

So he found an alliance raiding guild on another server and we applied together. I more than anything just wanted to be supportive and I like being with him so I just went along with it. We got in and in our first week we got two first kills for the raid group (Conclave and Magmaw). However the raids are really long, clocking in at a bit over 4 hours and there are 3 nights a week. The raid leader wants me to be their main tank from here on and would like close to 100% attendance from me.

I don't know if I can do that. It will mean WoW dominating 3 of my evenings a week, a game that I feel over-saturated on (not helped by heroics mode's retreading of previous bosses). I like being able to play other games, exercising and taking my time to cook a proper dinner but on raid nights I can't do these things and as such it feels pretty dysfunctional.

Side issues:

They want me to talk more on vent while in combat (most of my talking is done OOC) however the vent is so spammy that I had to talk over people when coordinating the bubble rotation on me for mangles on Magmaw. I will talk to them about that but I really don't see what else I can announce on vent other than the necessary (cooldown rotations, taunt announces, debuffs etc.). I am not the raid leader or some battle narrator nor do I want to be but maybe I am missing something here.

There is someone in the group who is very childish, won't admit to his mistakes and really piles on the gay jokes. I've already had a go at him mid-raid both on vent and in raid chat for this because I had just had enough. I foresee a big falling out with him at some point and it isn't going to be pretty. :/ I really don't like conflict and I am dreading the inevitable.

Any advice appreciated.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Vanifae » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:42 pm

Everything in moderation, I only ever play wow when it's raid tie the rest of the time is me time.

Edit: If you really can't make the commitment let them know sooner then later.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Lieris » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:48 pm

I already only log on for raids. My friend gives me gold for consumables so I never need to farm and has even fished for me. He is very very good to me. We've always been loyal to each other and he is the only reason why I still play.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Vanifae » Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:55 pm

I think you are just going to have make a choice maybe limit how often you play if you feel it is making your life dysfunctional or not play at all. Or just play casually and not worry about a raiding schedule.

Sometimes a change of pace can be good.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Fivelives » Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:12 pm

You can always say no. If you're not enjoying a game, then don't play it. I'm sure you have other avenues of contact with your friend - things like email, instant messengers, phone, etc, so you don't have to play wow with him to keep in touch.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Navan » Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:30 pm

Speaking as a Raid Leader I only really want raiders and especially tanks who really want to be there. If you are riding close to burnout perhaps you should speak to him about taking more of an off-tank or DPS position, perhaps 2 moving to raid days a week (either farm days or progression days whichever you prefer to raid). If you're not having fun you're not going to put in 100% effort and that's not very conductive to successful heroic raids.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Koatanga » Sun Apr 03, 2011 9:54 pm

As a raid leader, I try to keep vent communication pretty sparse. I do call important events, such as "pillar in 5", "mangle in 5; watch out for an extra pillar", "aggro drop in 5" (I like using a consistent time as it develops a mental rhythm) so that my team can anticipate while reacting to what's happening.

Fortunately we don't have a lot of chatter in vent. People do speak up when something strays from the script, partcularly when it interferes with an important task someone has to do, but other than that it's pretty much quiet after the pull. Friendly banter happens between pulls, if there's no strat discussion.

4 hours is a long stretch. I reckon with the benefit of your input they could reduce it to 3, or cut down to 2 nights, and still progress faster than they would without you.

In my experience with largely casual guilds, attention is pretty much gone after 3 hours, so the extra hour is just a mistake-prone waste of time IMO.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby laterna » Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:11 am

Fivelives wrote:You can always say no. If you're not enjoying a game, then don't play it. I'm sure you have other avenues of contact with your friend - things like email, instant messengers, phone, etc, so you don't have to play wow with him to keep in touch.


A lot of friendships are made purely in WoW, and making the jump from wow to IM, can be an akward experience
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Nikachelle » Mon Apr 04, 2011 6:23 am

If they want you to talk more on Vent, it sounds like they're looking for a raid leader.

Additionally, the gay comments would piss me off way too much. If that person keeps it up, you may want to offer an ultimatum, although you've indicated you don't like conflicts. But that's the kind of thing that'll eat away at you if he's allowed to continue with his behaviour.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Shyrtandros » Mon Apr 04, 2011 8:26 am

I am currently on a Raid burnout.. haven't touched raids or dungeons in 1-2 months now...

Hell I haven't "hardcore" played since cata dropped.. most of my WoW time is spent PVPing.. and then it's usually only with my friends so I can BS while I BS(Bladestorm).
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Lieris » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:00 am

We already chat via IM, phone and texts. He still really likes WoW so I am continuing with it (not like I hate WoW or anything, I am just not super enthused by it) to support him and also because we enjoy playing together. I want to do that while not letting WoW dominate a good portion of my week.

Nikachelle wrote:Additionally, the gay comments would piss me off way too much. If that person keeps it up, you may want to offer an ultimatum, although you've indicated you don't like conflicts. But that's the kind of thing that'll eat away at you if he's allowed to continue with his behaviour.


They really really bug me too. For an example of this guy's wit, while the raid leader was talking there were sirens passing by so he makes the comment on vent "that's the police coming to arrest gays, watch out *raid leader*".
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Vanifae » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:11 am

I suggest just play within your comfort zone.

Edit: To be honest don't worry too much about the friend if you don't want to play or want to play less then just do it, if your relationship is good, everything should work out. They should understand.
Last edited by Vanifae on Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:19 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Nikachelle » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:18 am

Lieris wrote:
Nikachelle wrote:Additionally, the gay comments would piss me off way too much. If that person keeps it up, you may want to offer an ultimatum, although you've indicated you don't like conflicts. But that's the kind of thing that'll eat away at you if he's allowed to continue with his behaviour.


They really really bug me too. For an example of this guy's wit, while the raid leader was talking there were sirens passing by so he makes the comment on vent "that's the police coming to arrest gays, watch out *raid leader*".

:o And other people let that slide?

Sorry, but no way. There's no way I could raid with someone who vocalized that kind of attitude.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Vanifae » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:20 am

Nikachelle wrote::o And other people let that slide?

Sorry, but no way. There's no way I could raid with someone who vocalized that kind of attitude.

I could see many groups letting that slide, I wouldn't punish someone for that, if it gets obnoxious you tell them. Communication works wonders.

To be honest I could see that being funny, depending on the delivery and the people involved. It just sounds like this person is obnoxious and not very witty.
This is why I'm a humorless feminist. Because rape jokes killed my sense of humor.
Minnerva wrote:if you act like a jerk then we push you away unless when born the girl got slapped around by her father.
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Re: Raiding and staying sane

Postby Invisusira » Mon Apr 04, 2011 11:58 am

While some (typically younger, less mature) groups may get their kicks out of non-stop gay jokes, you don't really specify if this group is.

Do other people laugh at this guy? (And if so, why are you in this guild?)
Is he good friends with the raid leader?
Is there an officer/GM/RL who you can confide in?

Talk to them about it. Chances are, if they're mature people, they find him just as annoying as you do.
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