Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby theckhd » Mon Apr 28, 2014 6:02 am

Congratulations Brekkie.

I think the Dinosaur BBQ in Rochester is one of the things I miss the most about that city. So I'll second Sabin's recommendation.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Thu May 08, 2014 3:59 am

Is it some kind of coincidence that today, on the 10th anniversary of my wedding, I'm having the weirdest (and possible biggest) satori about my relationship?

First things first - a bit of background. We've been together for 13 years-ish now, and we've been struggling with sex for a good 11 of those. I've had a couple of outbursts on this very topic, and to be utterly honest, since our kid is born last year, we're almost back to square 1 - she needed a C-section, then felt some pains when she had a coil placed, and has wanted to avoid sex until she and her doc are sure everything's fine. It's not disastrous, but I'm feeling the drive starting to kick in.

Anyway, I was doing a TV tropes binge yesterday that dropped me on their Asexuality page (no link, I don't want to destroy your productivity today :-p). I've been reading a bit on the subject, and I've finally crossed the mental threshold where I can say that yes, I think my wife is asexual (although still very romantic).

The weird thing is that I feel very elated about that, in a way, because I've instantaneously found hundreds of people like me and her, PLUS I'm starting to "get" the difference between asexual and aromantic, and dissociating her lack of desire from trouble in our romantic relationship, PLUS it soothes my own bruised male ego by explaining that no, it may have nothing to do with who I am, or what I do. And also, and mainly, it gives context to an accusation she made a couple of times that sex made her feel I looked at her like "a slab of meat", interchangeable with any other - having a lot to do with completely different views on sexuality that go above and beyond classic "men and women differences" stuff.

Now that does leave me with a crapload of open issues, like taking care of my own drive in a good way, but this feels like a much better solution that the one from two years ago, which in retrospect, feel a lot more like me forcing her to change herself to suit my needs (despite all the theatrics I dropped about it back then).
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Thu May 08, 2014 5:07 am

You might want to check out the AVEN people at asexuality.org.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Thu May 08, 2014 5:16 am

Fivelives wrote:You might want to check out the AVEN people at asexuality.org.


Take a wild guess where yesterday's research took me, and how many tabs I have actually open on their forums right now :-p
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Thu May 08, 2014 5:19 am

Right there, and lots, respectively?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Thu May 08, 2014 5:28 am

Fivelives wrote:Right there, and lots, respectively?


Whelp, at least I've got the night's reading all sorted out!
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Tue May 27, 2014 12:38 pm

I figured I might get better advice here about a girl I met online then from my friends ( who although good guys are primarily interested in banging chicks ) or on dating advice sites where most of the advice is about quick bangs. I personally am interested in a long term serious relationship.

Some time ago I met a chick on OKC ( OkCupid ). Initially went well until we added each other on Skype ( didn't go for the phone because chicks are very reluctant to that with people they don't know on the net ).

She never came online there but I saw her quite often on OKC, eventually I asked if she had lost interested. She said she had lost a loved one and wasn't very social on the net because of that. After that no more messages.

I shrugged it off, figuring she had no more interest ( even if she was honest ) or figuring she had found a more promising prospect since she was still online very often on OKC.

Recently however I did see her online on Skype and we did actually get in a conversation ( I initiated it ). Eventually managed to ask her out on a date and she agreed to it for this Thursday, then she asked for my Facebook and after that silence.

I did reply with my FB and also asked for her number, no answer. Finally with some advice from a friend of mine I just posted my number just in case something comes up.

I dunno if she is just really that hesitant about giving her number ( again women here very hesitant with that online ) or she's just gonna flake on me. She hasn't added me on FB even tough she had asked me for it.

I am uncertain whether or not I should even bother showing up there if she doesn't give me a signal until that day.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nooska » Tue May 27, 2014 12:49 pm

It could be "security" - to let a friend or relative know, "just in case".

I would suggest giving her the benefit of the doubt, and showing up (if for no other reason than to not wonder yourself, or be the one that flakes).
If she doesn't show, well, only lost some time, if she does show, well, possibly gained a relationship.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Tue May 27, 2014 4:30 pm

I just am rather put off by the silence honestly, in a rather big way.

A friend of mine suggested she might be busy, but I did see her log in on both OKC and Skype. He did give me the same advice as you did though. I guess I'll just go there, no expectations though..."Sigh"

The guys on the dating advice site I frequent advised me to cut her loose.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Tue May 27, 2014 8:08 pm

Show up, give her 30 minutes, then if she hasn't called (she does have your number) consider yourself stood up and cut her off. She probably saw something on your FB that she didn't like.

There's a reason I call OKC OKStupid.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Wed May 28, 2014 2:30 am

The only thing I have there available publicly is a profile pic from Witcher 2 and my youtube banner as the background...but for fuck sake I wrote it several times in my OKC profile that I am a video gamer and a hardcore one at that, and she had visited my profile.

I guess she might not have bothered reading it in the first place..."Sigh".

There's a reason I call OKC OKStupid.


The dating game between early 20s to late 20s is bloody stupid overall. I am starting to be put of by all of it. Too many chicks, at least around here, that are boring as fuck and have little to offer besides their bodies and frankly I don't want just sex.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Era » Wed May 28, 2014 3:05 am

If you're after a more meaningful relationship then you probably need to change hunting grounds, my friend. It can get pretty busy between real life and serious gaming (which probably encompasses most of us here), but if you can find the time for it, I find the best way to meet like-minded people of both genders is to take up an extra activity. Be that a once a week pottery class, a three times a week martial arts, or maybe an evening class in a subject that interests you. You can never have enough education in my opinion, be that a new set of skills or a new bit of knowledge.

Pick something that interests you and works with your schedule, and give it a shot. If you pick a romantic dancing class there'll probably be more girls than in the Steak & Beer Club, but I think it's more important to pick a subject you're genuinely interested in (be that dancing or steak eating). You want to meet like-minded people, right? So show up a couple of times, see if you don't have a good time. You'll learn new things, meet new people, build new relationships. Maybe there's just guys there and you don't quite fancy playing in that corner - well, new friends means access to their networks. Maybe you'll get invited some other activity where you'll meet yet more new people and experience yet more new things.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Wed May 28, 2014 4:57 am

If you're after a more meaningful relationship then you probably need to change hunting grounds, my friend.


Or I need to change the age range. I'm 24 and I've been looking for women around the same age as I am, but I am quite disappointed but what's there on offer so to speak.

Besides chit chat, their bodies and sex that's very little that most women have to offer men, not all mind you but the point stands, and I just find it extremely tedious to deal with them and for what? Just sex, whatever. Hell most are just interested in short term relationships or just fuck buddy stuff. Going past that age group though there's quite a lot of women with which I can have interesting conversations, common interests and are looking for more then just sex.

That said age different is certainly a problem.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Wed May 28, 2014 11:16 am

Io.Draco wrote:Besides chit chat, their bodies and sex that's very little that most women have to offer men, not all mind you but the point stands, and I just find it extremely tedious to deal with them and for what? Just sex, whatever. Hell most are just interested in short term relationships or just fuck buddy stuff. Going past that age group though there's quite a lot of women with which I can have interesting conversations, common interests and are looking for more then just sex.


I feel like most guys would kill to have the problem you're describing. Not that it isn't a real problem, but I still want to subscribe to your newsletter ;P
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Re: Relationships

Postby katraya » Wed May 28, 2014 11:21 am

The relationship thread turned 6 years old last week!
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