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Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:06 pm
by Fivelives
I don't think she'll be back. She's got a greyhound ticket waiting at St. Vincent de Paul's to go back to Indiana, and good riddance.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:27 pm
by Shoju
There are times in every relationship, when you are absolutely frustrated, furious, pissed, etc... with your significant other. I'm at that point right now with my wife. It's times like this I wonder how in the fuck we have been together for the better part of 16 years, and married for 10.

And when I try to express my frustration, I know it will be an argument, and excuses, and blah blah blah. And when I just try and get some time to myself, then it's what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong what's wrong

until I finally say something.

Maybe, once the kids are in bed, I'm just going to get drunk as shit and pass out. Stress from trying to buy a house, stress from petty bullshit with friends (we have friends going through a divorce, and my wife and I have differing opinions), stress about work, and going back to school, and well.. just being an adult. And then on top of that, I get an FB message while I'm at work, complaining because my teenage son wants pizza, but because his license is suspended, can't drive himself, and the other two kids want pizza as well, and she just CBA to drive the 8 minutes round trip to the pizza shop.

Sorry, I'm just venting, and figured I wouldn't clog up the general frustrations with a relationship frustration. Let this be a lesson to people. 10 years of marriage, and a happy marriage, does not mean there wont be days that you don't want to just scream at the other person and say "WHAT THE HOLY FUCK IS YOUR GODDAMN PROBLEM"

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:24 pm
by Fridmarr
lol, I had my wife read that last sentence and she just looked at me, smiled and said "Yep!"

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 3:28 pm
by Fridmarr
Fivelives, I hope you aren't too discouraged, that's a pretty amazing thing you are doing.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:41 pm
by bldavis
First off - Shoju, that is why this thread exists :)

and second, i am going with Fridmarr here Fivelives,
esp since this is your first rotten apple, dont let it spoil the whole bushel for you. you are doing amazing things

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 17, 2014 10:14 pm
by Fivelives
Oh, I doubt it will wreck things for everyone else, especially since during the summer with the weather here being so deadly*. I'm getting a temporary paying roommate in until the stench washes out of my nostrils, though, but as soon as he moves on I'll be right back to adopting strays. Hopefully with a bit better of a plan this time, like maybe having them sign a roommate release before letting them unpack their bags/boxes/whatever in the spare bedroom. That way all I have to do is sign and date it, then if I have to 86 them they won't be able to claim squatter's rights or "contribution to the household".

I'm also considering catching those cops at the VFW and buying them a beer. Then giving them their turn at being on the receiving end of a royal ass-chewing.

* Not to reopen the whole can of weather worms, but we already had our first case of heat stroke for this year. 4 days ago (day before Valentine's Day, if you're counting-impaired). It was only 90 degrees out, but still doesn't bode well for the heat this summer. It's only going to get hotter from here.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Feb 18, 2014 2:53 pm
by Skye1013
So finally managed to have a talk... though not through ideal means (we were chatting via mIRC at work.) Apparently he's with another guy (I don't consider it cheating, as I don't even know what we were before.) We're maintaining a friendship and we'll see how things go in the future.

However, it does hurt a little that he wasn't able to give me some sort of hint that "we" weren't really a thing anymore. Would have been nice (and I told him as much.) Guess that means my fb status will remain "single."

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 10:18 am
by Passionario
My father got rushed to a hospital this weekend with colonic bleeding.

Turns out he's got a massive tumor up there and the doctor is about 85% sure it's malignant. :(

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:06 am
by Sagara
Passionario wrote:My father got rushed to a hospital this weekend with colonic bleeding.

Turns out he's got a massive tumor up there and the doctor is about 85% sure it's malignant. :(


Massive "Ouch". Best of luck. Does he still have a SO?

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:00 am
by Passionario
Sagara wrote:Massive "Ouch". Best of luck. Does he still have a SO?

He's been living all alone for the last 15 years.

The biopsy results won't be in for another week, but they did a scan on him today and found metastatic growth in his lungs. :(

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 12:28 pm
by Sagara
There are no words. Godspeed.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 6:32 am
by Gracerath
My problems seem small compared to what I've read over the past few pages. I hope everything works out for the best for everyone.

I don't date. My social life has never really existed and I wanted to change that. I finally meet someone and we go out. Twice! Both times they went really well I thought. We had interesting conversations that lasted over 2 hours each time. We laughed and smiled a lot. I was only a little awkward, way less than I thought I'd be. She gave me her number and we texted back and forth a bunch. After the second date, I asked if maybe she wanted to come over for dinner next week for a 3rd date, meet my puppies and watch some sort of drama on Netflix (she just started House of Cards and I'd rewatch that shit no problem). Now, I know that inviting someone over for dinner and TV can be code for something more intimate but I was being genuine with my intentions. I wanted to cook and watch House of Cards. At any rate, she seemed very agreeable and said she'd get back to me. A few days later I ask her if she's given any thought to the get together and said she couldn't make it. I asked if she would prefer another time or if maybe she felt it was too soon for that kind of date. She said it was too soon. Not a problem at all, I say. Would you prefer to do something more traditional? Perhaps dinner and a movie at a theater? And ... that's where it ended. It has been a week now and she completely disappeared. At first I was kind of worried. Did something happen to her? Then confused and angry and a bit hurt. That's where I am now. I'd love to examine the little black box and figure out where I went wrong but she doesn't respond. I wish she'd just tell me. I'm an adult. People go on dates and don't work out all the time. No harm done. I'm not going to be that annoying needy person that blows up her phone with texts. I basically left it open ended that she can contact me any time if she wishes and I'd love to see her again. If she was going to, she would have by now. It just confuses me because on our last date, I asked in person if she would like to continue seeing eachother and she said yes.

I learned a few things from this. I need to keep expectations low. I was falling a bit hard and fast for her. Two dates and a few good nights of text conversations is way too soon to be feeling that way. I do have to thank her though. She got me motivated and back on track with eating better and exercising again. We both shared that struggle and were working on it and I was kind of hoping that if things took off, we could do that stuff together. Ah well. I'm still doing it by myself regularly. I do find the disappearance odd and I truly do hope nothing happened to her. If moving on from two dates is this difficult, I'm going to have a bad time if I get into a longer relationship and it doesn't work out.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 7:26 am
by Aubade
It sounds like you had a good experience and a good time with this woman. All you can do now is get back on the horse and hope that the next time goes better =]

In other news though, my local radio station does this "Second date update" segment where they will call the woman in your situation to find out what happened. It's hilarious, sometimes horribly so. But a lot of times they do find a legitimate reason why, and most times the offending party had absolutely no idea what it was that they did wrong.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:14 am
by Fivelives
I wish after-action reviews were mandatory on dates. Otherwise we tend to muddle along not realizing exactly what it is we're doing wrong, so we just keep doing it. Then you turn into some 60something who hates themselves, because the only constant in a lifetime of failed relationships is you.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:11 pm
by Nordix
Hey,it's me again.Some time passed again,and things had gotten much worse since then.

A few pages ago I got some "man-up" type of responses to my problems.They contained information in the form of reassurance that I should do what I was thinking back at the time.

I visited a theraphist,2 gyms ,a hair salloon and such.

Theraphist told me tldr: I must accept myself,then took her glasses off and "as a woman ,here is what I think" style told me that I must lower my standards,because I can't live up to shit looks wise,and there isnt really much I can do about it either except if I'm rich.

In one of the two gyms,they laughed at me and thought I was trolling them.
In the other one they told me there aren't any free spots for the trainer,his schedule is full and yada yada,they are veryreallysuper sorry,try somewhere else.There are only these 2 close by (one is 15km away,the other one is 25,in 2 different towns)
At the hair salloon(Since I'm 23 and balding already at my temples a bit,ohyeah genes),they told me they can't help,just get a cheap buzzcut and deal with it,it's a place for ppl with hair,not ppl without or ppl losing it.

Meanwhile,my father started jeporadizing my attempt to get into a university by doing an awful lot of badmouthing,"i donthave any sons", not paying for anything in thehouse my family lives at,disappaering during the day,etc.
My mom as a result,is having a lot of nerve related issues and depression,which are also left to me to handle and help her,because on her own she doesn't stand a chance at anything.

These are the people that were supposed to raise me btw.

Cherry on top,the girl is doing some rather nasty game in the background too i wish I did'nt know of.

Overall,I'm still ugly,I only get uglier and I have some gene related issues like the balding,had to fight acne which fucked my already "average at best" face to hell,etc.

One moment i'm desperete,another moment I'm angry at life,I barely sleep anymore too.Things don't really seem to come together or be in my control whatever I do.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 6:27 pm
by Fivelives
Are you sure that was a therapist you saw?

I'm pretty confident that every woman ever will back me on this when I say: confidence is key. So what if you look like a beluga whale that's also a quad amputee and requires the aid of a riding lawnmower to keep your back hair from developing its own ecosystem - own that shit. You are who you are, and if anyone says you aren't worth a relationship then fuck 'em.

Ever gone walking outside and seen some horrific excuse for humanity with a very attractive woman on his arm, and thought to yourself, "Gee, he must be rich or something"? He probably isn't. He's confident and wears his own skin well.

You want a relationship, start with yourself. You don't have to have looks, or power, or money, or a big dick, or flawless skin, or a career, or a house, or a car, or a famous name, or ... well, the list goes on and on. You have to have confidence. Women aren't attracted to men who whine about themselves, their looks, their life, their lifestyle, or who glorify in their shortcomings and use them to explain why they're absolute shit as a person. Period. Ever.

I can't count the number of people who I've seen or heard bitching about how "chicks are only attracted to assholes" - well ask yourself this: what is the ONE THING said "assholes" have in common with each other?

It's an easy question to answer. They have a rock solid sense of self-worth and self-confidence that's completely unshakable.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:36 pm
by Amirya
Fivelives is right.

As for the rest:

1) That wasn't a professional therapist. Hell, that wasn't a professional, either. Not sure who you spoke to, but no. I'm not a huge fan of therapists personally, for all sorts of fucked up reasons in my head, but I'm 99% sure that's not what she said.

2) I also question both gyms' staff. Every gym I've ever walked into, they want to help you get into shape. It's how they do business - you get into shape, feel better about yourself, tell your friends and family, and they go see this miracle gym too.

3) There's nothing wrong with shaving your head. My roommate also started balding young, so he's typically a cue ball now. Or a white/Hispanic Buddha. Whichever.

Now, my question for you, did all of those people really say exactly that, or is that how you interpreted their statements? What they say and what you hear can easily be 180 degrees apart.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 04, 2014 9:40 pm
by Arnock
Fivelives pretty much hit the nail on the head.

Confidence will get you so much further than any amount of exercise, hair spray, or clothing.

Not that there's anything wrong with those things, mind you, but try to do them to better yourself, not to try to please others.

I'm kind of surprised that you had that kind of experience at the gym. Even at the local university gym with a high population of "frat bros" I've never had anyone looking down at me or laughing.

However, I have found that most 'trainers' at big box gyms tend to not be particularly... good. I've seen a lot of people coaching incredibly poor form for even the simplest of lifts.


Try looking through the routine at Stronglifts.com or check out the book "Starting Strength."

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Wed Mar 05, 2014 12:44 am
by Fivelives
I took the post with a grain of salt the size of horse lick, myself. That doesn't sound to me like anything ANY therapist would say, and coming from decades spent as a gym rat the only people I've seen talk like that are muscleheads in small, failing gyms.

As far as shaving of heads is concerned, almost everyone who's balding (I include myself in this group, as I've got a Carlin hairline myself) is told by stylists that they should cut their hair short - around 1/4-3/8ths of an inch in length.

Therapist: possible to get a bad one, but even bad ones are professionals.
Personal trainers: their entire business is built on fat slugs wanting to get less fat and less sluggish.
Stylists: get paid to cut hair, not laugh at people for thinning on top.

Final verdict: 80% probability that it's fabricated in order to get attention. But for the benefit of the small possibility that it's actually something that happened (truth being stranger than fiction on occasion), that's my honest advice. Besides, if one person is saying it, then it's almost guaranteed that at least ten others are thinking it.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:40 pm
by Arnock
In other news...

I fell in love with a sexy Italian this weekend, hopefully this will be the start of a long and beautiful relationship.





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Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Tue Mar 11, 2014 11:19 pm
by bldavis
what an amazing figure!
def a hottie!

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:08 am
by Fivelives
Eh, needs more CBH. 6/10.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Wed Mar 12, 2014 1:16 pm
by Kal
Dat Mercury!

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 12:32 am
by Gracerath
An update.

I finally got her to respond to me today. I sent one last hail mary message to her and it worked. She said she just got out of a long term relationship and thought she was ready to date but turns out she wasn't ready. We had a bit of back and forth and are going to try to be friends with no pressure of anything more until she's ready. What a load off my damn mind knowing that I didn't fuck up somewhere. Or she's just telling me a very convincing lie to spare my feelings. I'll take it.

Re: Relationships

PostPosted: Fri Mar 14, 2014 10:17 pm
by Arnock
Fivelives wrote:Eh, needs more CBH. 6/10.


Better?


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