Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Sat Nov 09, 2013 11:39 pm

Odd, competition must keep the price relatively low here, there's three or four theaters relatively equidistant from my apartment. I live in a rather wealthy area and it's not uncommon to see a Bentley or Lamborghini parked outside a couple of them.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Delphineas » Mon Nov 11, 2013 9:36 am

Anyone know if the part of the ACA law concerning pre existing conditions goes into effect Jan 1st, or if that went into effect sometime earlier this year?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Tue Nov 12, 2013 1:53 am

January 1st. ACA is technically in full effect right now regarding all laws, but the policies don't take effect until then so the difference is academic. You can get coverage right now, but it won't kick in until the new year.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Delphineas » Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:14 am

If it's Jan 1st, I'm likely screwed, But my coverage started in June and I might be getting denied because of a preexisting condition. Fuzzy on the whole thing. 6 months was mention too. Going to Mayo to get some medical records so I can straighten this out.

So again, can I be denied for a preexisting condition before Jan 1st?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Wed Nov 13, 2013 8:18 pm

You can't be denied coverage, no. However, the coverage that you do get won't take effect until January 1st.

If you signed up for insurance back in June, you should've gotten something in the mail from your insurance company letting you know what your policy's effective date is. That's the date that your coverage goes into effect. If you're still having issues, then call your insurance company and ask them.

Hope that's clearer for you.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Snake-Aes » Wed Nov 20, 2013 7:08 pm

Exercising for a change produces funny results. Random Chick hit on me today by comparing me to the Technoviking.
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Re: Relationships

Postby katraya » Wed Nov 27, 2013 7:27 am

If anyone else who quit playing was thinking of coming back, MoP is only $10 now. I got it last night. Now I just need to get my husband out of the house so I have time to play!
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:54 am

katraya wrote:If anyone else who quit playing was thinking of coming back, MoP is only $10 now. I got it last night. Now I just need to get my husband out of the house so I have time to play!

:lol: :lol:

welcome back to azeroth Kat
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Wed Nov 27, 2013 8:41 pm

I posted about an issue related to this thread in the frustrations thread and I was told I should post it here too with the notion that you experts can help somewhat.

I will just quote myself from the original post.

Nordix wrote:I'm having suicidal thoughts at the moment.Because of what happened in the past 2 weeks,including a girl I talked about in my previous post.

She came back playing WoW during summer and randomly started talking with me and the melee officer she has known for years.
The melee officer is a selfcentered emo veryrich greek dude.
The girl is a very cute norwegian,with lots of issues.

The girl already had a boyfriend of 2.5 years by the time this started out,but the relationship wasnt going very well and still isn't to this day,however a lot of paranoia is included on the girls part and she sees things where there are none.

So the greek richdude tried getting things on with her,and stuff went okay for a while until she realized it won't work,because the dude is a selfcentered emo infantile kid basically.

By the time,her and me were talking a lot,hours upon hours every day,for weeks.She is very emotional when she loses a friend and even more so when loses a "crush".So I helped her through this stage.
After all settled,things got fucked up.

She started to have a crush on me,because of all the talking we've been doing.We could talk about anything and it surfaced that our interests are pretty much the same on a lot of things.

You have to realize,I only felt anything for one other girl in my whole life.I resist most.She was spot on,from the get go,but I kept my resist up so it wouldn't get in the way.
Until she had a crush and started to hate that I cant let go of my resistance fully.Even tho it felt wrong ,I did let go of it eventually.It was nice.We planned out a lot of things,still talked 8 hours a day,wasnt just uncontrolled retared e-shit.We were supposed to meet,we talked ,we sent a shitload of pictures (nothing nasty).

But then,something happened,and one day she just told me her bf almost noticed and we need to cut it and can we be just friends again instead,and that she will see it through what happens in her relationship ,it's only fair like this and I'll be the first to know if she is single.

So I tried,I was hurt,she was hurt.
In the background ,the richdude kept doing desparate idiotic whining every day to her,driving her insane.She told me about every single occasion until yesterday and recently the greek dude took to whine to me too about her.

I just ,it was too much, so I told the greek dude,THIS IS WHAT SHE THINKS OF YOU,JUST STOP SPAMMING HER WITH YOUR SHIT ALL DAY EVERYDAY.

and hell broke lose.He immediately used it against her,confronted her.The result was that she left the guild telling me ,she cant be here anymore because of what this guy is doing.
Then the greekdude told her that I was the one telling him this,so she turned on me too.Instant removed me from everywhere ,like boom,like if nothing happened in the past.

I asked the greekdude why did he fuck me up like that. "I was hurt,sorry ,what was i supposed to do."

I was mad,angry,puzzled.

ANd this morning,while the girl isnt in the guild,I see them doing stuff together again with the greekdude.

I'm having a mental breakdown and the only thing I can do is send logs to her irl boyfriend and nuke her whole world,which is equally disgusting to what she and the greek guy are doing at the moment.
She has a ton of issues irl,lives on debt,doesnt own shit and attends university,barely managing.

I Dont know what to do,I certainly cant raid with my guild like this,however if I leave ,since I'M their main tank 100% attendance neverfails dude,I will disband a guild that existed since vanilla and was a friendly but still hardcore raiding guild.

What do,please help!


Additional info is that towards the outside she and her bf show a lot of <3 and such yet I'm being told a lot of mixed things from people who know them.(I'm not asking for these infos)
The greekdude broke things off with her for good -or so I was randomly told by 3 people,one being the greekie and 2 being her friends.

Still having depressed thoughts,because this whole thing with me is extremely rare -like what,I felt love one other time in my life except this girl,that was at the age of 17,and I was hurt VERY bad then too. I think if I really wanted to ,I couldget a girlfriend but it would be dry,I wouldn't feel what I felt for this girl,there would be no spark.

I want a girlfriend and fall in crazy love,but right now I'm just killing myself over this part of my life.
I'm 23 and completely inexperienced /virgin with girls,not even a hug. I really can't change my view on life,love and a girlfriend are the only things I feel I could grip onto my whole life and stay aflot.They are also the only things that give me motivation towards things, everything else feels dry. That is not to say I don't want to be succesful at my job,get a better job,get a uni degree and improve,but it feels dry without a purpose,a goal - and I can't change my goal, nothing diverts my attention from this overarching "life-issue".

I'm writing this because I am depressed to hell.
Please don't send me to a psychiatrist or similar if possible.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Wed Nov 27, 2013 10:00 pm

Hey, Nordix.

I can't imagine what kind of pain you might be feeling right now.

But if you're seriously feeling suicidal. You NEED to talk to somebody about it, a close friend, a family member, somebody. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, there are tons of hotlines that you can call and just have somebody to listen. It sounds like you live in the EU somewhere, so I'm not sure as to what kind of resources are available, but the number for here in the States is 1-800-273-8255.

And, secondly, I understand your concern for your guild. And as much as we love Wow, we need to remember that it is a video game. If this situation is driving you towards this place, maybe you do need to take a break and step away from the game for awhile. I'm sure this close-knit group of friends who have been together since Vanilla care more about your life and health than they do about raid progress.

I'm here if you still need to talk.

EDIT: Here's a list of places in Europe.
http://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/Europe/
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Re: Relationships

Postby Aubade » Wed Nov 27, 2013 10:46 pm

I second Arnock. We are a family here at maintankadin, And any of us would be glad to talk with you. And I can speak from experience that those hot lines can help. If you want to talk you can Skype me anytime. Just PM me for the name =] I hope you start feeling better man we're all here for you
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Re: Relationships

Postby Aergis » Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:07 pm

ditto to arnock and aubade, it helps to talk about it rather than keep it bottled up. Stay away from the BF and her though, until you get your own emotions settled a bit or more hell could break loose and all come back on you. The only result of all of that will be worse for you, not better until you are under control.

The best advice I can give is that life doesn't really start until 25 or later. My first ever serious relationship wasn't until I was 25, and that was a total mistake, moved in together, had totally different life goals, got my heart broken, lost all my belongings... After that I completely gave up on girls and just focused on my craft (art school). I didn't find the love of my life until I was 27 and that was completely by accident... I was living on microwave burritos and barely working enough to survive when the most amazing person I've ever met fell into my lap. We were engaged 3 months later.

I'm 35 now and still feel like I'm just getting things started. My youngest child barely started kindergarten and there are so many things to look forward to. There are hiccups along the way, but there are so many more beautiful moments still to come. Don't give up on them when they haven't even started yet.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Wed Nov 27, 2013 11:45 pm

Ive been there too..and members of this board have helped me as well, all i had to do is ask for help and someone to talk to

one place that has also helped me if you dont wnat to talk to someone that you kinda know (as in a MTadin) there is also http://blahtherapy.com/
completely anonymous, and there to help

all i can say is parroting what has been said, stay away from them, get your head straight and possibly take a break at least from the situation
play a different game, a different toon, or hell read a good book if you enjoy that

life will get better, no matter how hard it is to imagine it right now.
i say go with your life, and know that when the time is right, love will happen
i know it hurts..it hurts a lot..when this happens, but try to put it out of your mind

if you ever need to just chat, im here with aubade and aegis, just PM me your skype name and/or hit me up on FB (im the jackass in the MTadin group :D)

i do have to agree with aegis in that life doesnt begin til you are 25...but then again i was married from 20 to 24 1/2 so... :lol:
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Thu Nov 28, 2013 1:49 am

Nordix wrote:I'm writing this because I am depressed to hell.
Please don't send me to a psychiatrist or similar if possible.


Go see a professional. Seriously, that's my advice to you. Well meaning advice from multiple untrained people that may or may not conflict with each other often does more harm than good. If you're having suicidal ideations, then go to an emergency room - we have procedures in place to get you the help that you need.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Thu Nov 28, 2013 7:55 am

I don't want the solution to be to sweep it under the rag or put my head in a hole - diverting my attention from love and girls and such won't make me happy at all,it will make everything dry and empty again.This is what professionals would tell me too I think,why did I fall for a girl already in a relationship,why don't I lower my standards,why don't I immerse myself in something else if this clearly doesn't work with me ,why don't I take these antidepressant pills to force some happiness and cheer.

I want a proper cure , but it seems so out of reach for me,whatever I try to advance towards this goal gets sabotaged.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Amirya » Thu Nov 28, 2013 9:13 am

Nordix wrote:I don't want the solution to be to sweep it under the rag or put my head in a hole...I want a proper cure

This is the most relevant part. You do want help, but you don't.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm going to second Fivelives. Professional assistance will do you better in the long run; and the professional solution to mental health is never to ignore it.

Your friends, family, drinking buddies, etc are far more likely to be the ones to say, "dude, get over it already. Just forget her." Your doctor would be the one to ask, "so, why can you not just forget her?"
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Re: Relationships

Postby PsiVen » Thu Nov 28, 2013 10:07 am

I have to agree, the proper cure lies with the professionals. They can delve deep into things and you can/should share a lot more personal information and be able to convey yourself better in person with them.

Until you do that, my advice would be to focus on something completely different. Take up a hobby that you've considered but never tried, or maybe haven't had time to explore fully. Don't try to play WoW in a hostile environment; leave your contact information available for your friends, and don't engage with the harmful ones.

You are too young to have run out of chances at love, believe me. There are 7 billion people out there and they can't all be twats.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Aubade » Fri Nov 29, 2013 4:32 pm

So reading through that post again I can't help but think that this woman you were talking about is just not a good girl to date. She has a boyfriend IRL but let's people flirt with her like the Greek dude and the rich dude? What's to say if you two did end up having a relationship that she would have stopped doing that? If you have logs etc that would ruin her relationship with her BF why would you want to change places with him?


I know when you're not in a relationship it feels like that's all you want to do, But while relationships can be good they can also be just as bad, and this woman sounds like a bad situation to be dating.

My advice is going to be exactly what you don't want to hear, Sweep her under the rug, forget about her! Work on yourself and build confidence so that you can find yourself a woman that is 100 times the woman she was to you and that will treat you right.


Remember that you don't need to meet and date 500 more women to find one. You just need to meet the one woman that falls in love with you and you with her.


I wish you the best man, and even after saying all that I will say this. There is a reason why professionals are professionals. They know what they're doing and they know how to solve your problems
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Sat Nov 30, 2013 7:12 am

Nordix wrote:I don't want the solution to be to sweep it under the rag or put my head in a hole - diverting my attention from love and girls and such won't make me happy at all,it will make everything dry and empty again.This is what professionals would tell me too I think,why did I fall for a girl already in a relationship,why don't I lower my standards,why don't I immerse myself in something else if this clearly doesn't work with me ,why don't I take these antidepressant pills to force some happiness and cheer.

I want a proper cure , but it seems so out of reach for me,whatever I try to advance towards this goal gets sabotaged.


That's not what a professional is going to tell you, at all, ever. Professional therapists are in the business of helping you confront and overcome your issues, not ignore them in the hopes they go away (they won't).

Let's take this point by point (with the caveat that I know absolutely nothing about you or your specific situation):
1) "Why did I fall for a girl already in a relationship?"
Most common reason is simple human nature. Someone already IN a relationship is obviously valuable - moreso than those who aren't in relationships. Second most common reason is self-destructive urges; it's fairly common knowledge that if a person cheats on their significant other with you, then they're going to cheat on you with someone else. This is a truism. So you see someone in a relationship and know it'll hurt you in the end - that's when your self-destructive urge takes over and you use the inevitable result to explain why you're hurting over anything at all, not just dating.

2) "Why don't I lower my standards?"
Because you shouldn't have to lower your standards. This feeling stems from a fear of being alone or a desire to be loved by someone. It shows that you lack a healthy support system, so you are willing to go out and pick Miss Right Now who may alleviate that loneliness, but you'll eventually become dissatisfied when you get used to not being alone again. Then things end, usually badly, and it is used to justify a self-hate spiral.

3) "Why don't I immerse myself in something else if this clearly doesn't work with me?"
No problem has ever been solved by ignoring it. You have to get to the root of your issues and treat those. Often just knowing WHAT causes an issue in your headspace is half the cure right there, because once the root cause is identified the treatment is easy. It's figuring out what caused the issue that's hard.

4) "Why don't I take these antidepressant pills to force some happiness and cheer?"
Clinical depression is often caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Antidepressants don't "force you to be happy", they promote normal chemical levels. So let's turn this question around: why are you forcing yourself to be UNhappy when there's (probably) a simple solution that will normalize things out and allow you to be normally happy/sad/neutral/etc?

This is the kind of thing a therapist is going to tell you. It's all dependent on your willingness to open up and establish a solid relationship with them and trust them enough to give them the information they need so they can help you. That's not something you're going to be able to do on an internet message board, I'm afraid. Sure, people can answer the issues you have at the moment, but those issues are going to recur. It's like treating cancer with antiemetics and painkillers that fix the symptoms. The cancer is still there, even if you might feel better because you're not nauseous or in pain anymore.

TL;DR: Absolutely no professional therapist worth their license will ever tell you to ignore a problem.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Mon Dec 02, 2013 9:24 am

Nordix,

we don't know each other, we haven't ever spoken I don't think, but the fact you post here pretty much makes you extended family. I have spoken to and chatted with and tried to help a lot of people on these boards with advice re relationships and most of it has helped people and allowed them to move forward and that is what it is all about, moving forward, it may be slow at first but you will get there.

I would take Fivelives advice on this one, get some professional help. There isn't any shame in it at all, its completely ok to do so. I have often had the odd session when things have gone tits up.

It is completely ok and it will definately help.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Mon Dec 02, 2013 1:42 pm

I've done a couple of things in the past days to ease my situation.
I re-read all our logs and analyzed why it was working and how it went bad.
I made some mistakes too and now I can conciously admit that I was insecure towards the end.<--- This has to be fixed asap if I am to have any serious and true relationship.[It isnt easy when one is 23 hugless ,ugly,virgin and generally inexperienced].Consequently ,I was alone almost my entire life.From the age of 14,I had 0 irl friends,I live in a small and retarded village,and my only ticket out of here is university next year,but even then there is a vast amount of catching up to do on social stuff,especially relationships.I was alone for the past 9 years.


Now, I had to set two things right,the mistake I made by "abusing" her trust on the Gdude to simply make him stop the unbearable whining he was doing to me/her and my insecurity.The latter one can be incredibly destructive in my opinion.So I wrote her a mature and longer apology for those two things on friday.If everything clicked,she saw it yesterday ,tho she chose not to react at all - but it let some things off my chest and I felt better after it.Even if she autodeleted. [This is given that she has gotten it.]

The weekend was still full on a lot of issues.Sleeping 3 hours a day,chestpain,stomach pain,nausea,constant bad mood,indifference towards life coupled with me still having feelings for her.She is very hard to forget for a couple of reasons.

I've only started getting better today towards the evening as I'm writing this.Only my subconcious is rebeling atm.



With all those that being said,I have a hard time falling in love,so if I went thru 500 girls it would still have a decent chance of not finding anyone.It is indeed about finding the right one,key part is FINDING.

Hate the solution to be to forget her,it feels like I'm the one being forgotten and buried.This isn't a solution in my opinion.

Cheating thing: I was well aware of this,but there were some things to counterbalance it.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Aubade » Mon Dec 02, 2013 2:30 pm

I think you'll find when you move to Uni that your social situations will change pretty much completely. You can't avoid them in university, and it doesn't look like you'd want to avoid them anyways. I'm slightly confused by your sheep analogy however. do you mean that you're the sheep being put outside the herd? Because in that case you're only to blame yourself for that thought. The truth is it's up to you to put yourself back in that herd, or even better find a new damn herd because that one sucks for kicking you out.

Unless you mean that she's the sheep being out of the herd. In which case, screw her. You have to realize that she probably didn't even like you from the start. The whole reason those types of women (from my experience) do the whole "flirt with 2-3 guys in WoW at the same time" Is strictly for the attention. These are the women that are NOT worth your time. I'm not saying by any means that this is every woman because it's obviously not, but from what we've heard of this girl, she is one of them.

Forget about her, forget about the drama.

Work on yourself for the next little while and focus on changing the aspects of you that you WANT to change. You want to start more relationships, work on that. You want to get some better IRL friends, work on that! Work on how you act/react in social situations. Many of these things may sound pretty daunting starting from a position where you don't think you possess any of these skills, but that is where we can come in and help. Even more importantly these are the things that professionals can and will teach you how to understand.

I really hope the best for you, I can understand the hopelessness and the frustration, but I'm telling you right now, IT GETS BETTER. You've just gotta work for it, and not be afraid to seek help from those who can provide it.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Mon Dec 02, 2013 6:39 pm

She's done an awful lot of work for it to be a total hoax.

The only lingering thought I have at the moment,is how much did she overreact/was this just a way to quickly close it because she regret the whole thing and wanted a way out.

we had something truly great going on,but it ended very fast.

@Aubade: The greek dude and the rich dude are the same.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Tue Dec 03, 2013 1:50 am

Nordix, my experiances with similar situations would lead me to believe that all this happened because she wasn't getting attention from her IRL BF. Then he probably realised something was going on and gave her an ultimatum and she immediately had to sever all contact with everyone.

That probally isn't what she told you happened, but pound to a pinch of shit that is how it panned out IRL. I have seen it many times. Girl gets bored, guys get interested because of introversion, girl flirts to get attention, things happen, IRL BF realises and goes apeshit, girl isnt strong enough to break free and cuts all ties.

Forget her, I know its going to be hard but staying in touch will only lead to more pain. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders for someone inexperianced, you are going to be fine. Close that chapter of your life, learn from it and start a new one.

It is going to be ok.
Sabindeus wrote:I feel like I should get a t-shirt made for me that says "Not Socially Awkward, Just Fat".

Brekkie wrote:The world will always need people to dig ditches.
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Barathorn
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nordix » Tue Dec 03, 2013 11:25 am

It could be ,Barathorn,but it isn't 1 thing only.Her BF did notice it once,thats when she asked me to cut loving,in october.
There were other factors too.

This would be so much easier to deal with however, if I wasn't living in this wretched small village.I could go out with my friends ,because going out solves this,but I have no irl friends and there isnt any place to go out either.I can sit here and thats it or do my job when there is work to be done.This is what makes dealing with it insanely hard.
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