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Re: Relationships

Postby Delphineas » Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:34 pm

FUCK YEAH! BRAIN SURGERY!


Obamacare is a mixed blessing. Got on my dads insurance finally in July, only until November 10, my 26th birthday. So paperwork has been a bit rushed. Tomorrow I head down to Mayo for a head scan(MRI or CT, still not sure), and the 26th I have one of possibly 2 surgeries.


I have genetic general dystonia, which basically means some of my muscle groups are constantly spasming. The most problematic are my neck and back, though it affects my arms and legs as well. Mostly centered on my left side. Botox can help, but too expensive and has to be done every 3 months. Deep Brain Stimulation, or DBS, is hopefully a more permanent treatment. Basically I get a battery placed in my chest, with wires leading up to my skull under the skin, with 1 or 2 electrodes in my brain. In other words, a pacemaker for the brain.

One downside in my case, is that I won't be conscious for the surgery. Normally, the patient would be awake so they can fish for the most effective placement of the electrodes. My head simply moves too much for that, so once they're in, they're in. I view it a a bit of a plus, because being awake while they tinker with my head would be freaky as fucking hell.



Oh, and late next month I get my wisdom teeth pulled. Ho-fucking-rah
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Wed Aug 21, 2013 1:44 pm

Fivelives wrote:
Sabindeus wrote:
Fivelives wrote:Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).


Tangent time!

I've never understood the whole "channel anger into something positive/constructive" thing. Like, I've never once been able to do anything constructive unless I'm calm. When I'm angry the only things I can do are destructive, like punching something or someone. How does one accomplish this?


Time for practical advice:

The way you do this is by fixing the thing that made you angry in the first place. If someone says or does something to you that makes you angry, there is a core of truth in what they said or did. When you get angry, that means you've admitted that someone was right about what they said/did to you.

Say for instance, you're struggling to lose 20 pounds. Someone calls you fat, and this angers you. Take that anger to the gym. Or maybe you were a mediocre student and someone calls you stupid. Take that anger and use it as a "whip" to keep you on track while studying a new subject. Perhaps someone tells you that you'll never amount to anything - again, this angers you. Use that anger as fuel to get a promotion at work. It works on compound issues just as well as on simple issues, but first you have to examine it to see what simple issues comprise the compound issue. Or put more simply, break down the mountain one rock at a time.

I'm not saying you should sit down when you're angry and try to make beadwork necklaces or whatever other bullshit people say you should do with it. Use it for practical purposes that will show results. That's the thing about anger; it tends to focus our attention on itself. It can, left unchecked, feed itself until it consumes everything - or it can be purposefully aimed for good purposes and let out a little bit at a time. See, the more you work on fixing whatever it is that made you angry in the first place, the less that thing can control you in the future.

So lose the weight, get the degree, get the promotion, get whatever use you can out of it. Then one day you wake up and realize - you're not angry anymore. Because there has been a measurable change in your life and the root cause of the anger (that core of truth behind every insult that "stings") no longer applies to you.

As far as the language debate is concerned, it's the thought behind the word that counts. Calling someone a cunt is essentially telling them that they are not a person, but rather a vehicle for their reproductive purposes. It dehumanizes them. But flip that around - personally, I use terms like that as pet names rather than insults and I don't care if others use them. Why? Because it will always backfire when you insult someone using "Those Words" and instead of insulting the person you were aiming the jab at, you're just proving that you yourself are an ass.

I also don't believe that censoring words does any good. Again, it boils down to meaning - substituting the word "fork" for "fuck", for instance, just turns the word fork into a "dirty word".


What if the rage is at a situation rather than a person, or if the rage at the person is because they're an incompetent piece of shit who you don't understand why they still have a job at an otherwise sane company :|
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Re: Relationships

Postby Brekkie » Thu Aug 22, 2013 8:43 am

KysenMurrin wrote:Slightly odd reasoning there. If "pussy" is insulting to a man then that's through the assumption that being a woman is an inherently bad thing, which is indeed sexist and insulting to women.

(Doesn't mean you can't still use these words. Context is key.)


Woah, woah, woah...

You guys have it all wrong.
Calling someone a Pussy because they are cowardly is comparing them to a cat, not to a woman. Because cats, aka Pussycats, are cowardly, and flinch from sudden movements.

You are probably confused because Vaginas are also often called Pussies. But this is because they, like Pussycats, are soft and cuddly and furry and cute and desirable for companionship. All of which are quite positive and wonderful things.

A man calling another man a Pussy is not derogatory towards women. Its two unrelated comparisons to felines.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nikachelle » Thu Aug 22, 2013 10:04 am

Except I think the meaning of that has gotten twisted over the years.

I certainly don't think of cats if I hear the word "pussy" used. Maybe when I was 5.

In fact, the word is so twisted now that I end feeling stupid calling my cat a pussycat and end up calling him a puddytat now.

Also, I have no admit I burst out laughing at your third paragraph. :D
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Re: Relationships

Postby Maverick13 » Fri Aug 23, 2013 2:41 am

But surely thats the trouble with so many words in language -- earlier in this thread someone was saying they wouldn't use the term gay, Now i used to know an old Squadron Ldr - he was the typical 1940's Spitfire pilot type with twirling moustache and all, who used the term Gay to mean bright and colourful and faggots were something he'd eat with peas and gravy, Yes language changes and not always for the better, but context and meaning play an important part in all communication.

Also not getting into the fact that almost any word nowadays seems to be used as a slur on someone <<< god I feel old
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Fri Aug 23, 2013 11:21 pm

Sabindeus wrote:What if the rage is at a situation rather than a person, or if the rage at the person is because they're an incompetent piece of shit who you don't understand why they still have a job at an otherwise sane company :|


Then fix the situation, or don't get upset about it. Getting upset about a situation you can't fix is pointless. In the case of being enraged about someone else, use that to make yourself look that much better by comparison. Eventually you'll end up in the position where you can do something about it, like fire the useless shitbag.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Skye1013 » Sun Aug 25, 2013 1:35 pm

First off, hi peeps, long time no see :D.

Secondly, in regards to the language discussion... I generally try to avoid using slurs of any type (especially when directed towards a person.) I do swear ({son of a} bitch, shit, fuck, etc.) but 99% of the time, I'm not swearing at someone, I'm swearing at a situation (I just stubbed my toe or dropped a plate of food all over the floor or some video game NPC is "cheating" and I'm pissed off at it.)

As for whether the slurs are racist/sexist/etc. Yes, I feel they are, even if you might not be intending it as such. The N word originally had a definition of "a socially disadvantaged class of persons." Over time, it became equated with dark-skinned/black people due to constant use as a derogatory term towards them specifically. As a society, we haven't fully stamped out racism, and as such, this meaning is still pretty much in full force.

Alternately, the C word never really had a non-derogatory definition. Merriam-webster even states "usually obscene : the female genital organs."

In regards to gay... I have to watch myself, because even I sometimes think "this movie is gay" or whatnot... that is largely due to growing up around that context of the word (as opposed to the original use of "being happy".) It is a demeaning term (perhaps less so to me as it might be to others, but then I'd like to think I have a fairly thick skin.) Honestly, when was the last time you thought "this movie/song/whatever is gay" and felt that was a good quality of the movie/song/whatever? And for fag, I feel that is a stronger, more derogatory version of the same thing.

There are many other words that I could list out here that had benign meanings initially, but through constant overuse in a demeaning/derogatory way have lost that (relatively) benign definition.

I think if society as a whole began to reuse these terms in accordance with the original definitions, then at that point the discussion of whether the words are racist/sexist/etc. would be a bit more murky.

**Sorry if I lost someone in my thought process here... I generally have difficulty translating my thoughts onto paper, so if what I wrote seems disjointed or confusing... let me know and I'll try to reword it.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Sun Aug 25, 2013 1:58 pm

Skye1013 wrote:The N word originally had a definition of "a socially disadvantaged class of persons." Over time, it became equated with dark-skinned/black people due to constant use as a derogatory term towards them specifically.


Just an fyi, that etymology isn't accurate. It stems from latin for the word black via some descendant languages, nothing to do with social disadvantage.

Edit: you're probably thinking of the word niggard, which has a completely different etymology and is entirely distinct from the n word.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Nooska » Mon Aug 26, 2013 1:43 am

I just want to be clear about what we are talking about;
"the N word" that would be "Nigger"? correct?
If so, as Rhiannon says, it is a bastardisation of "Negro", which simply means black.

As to the word "niggard", I've never encountered it before, but given the word similarities, I would assume its a further bastardisation of the word "nigger" where an assumed or prejudged class was added to the word by making it slightly different - like we verb-alize or adjectify (or nounfy, though seldomly) other classes of words.

As for the word "cunt", it is also very different dependant on your nationality.
Merriam-webster is the generally used US version. The british verison (from Oxford English Dictionary is "an unpleasant or stupid person", and the Macquarie Dictionary states it as "a despicable man".

Summa summarum, words are actually neither derogaroty nor sexist themselves, its what the user puts into the expression, or what the reader/listener reads into it when hearing/reading it themselves - what is put or read into it, may be a result of common usage, and common usage should be something to be aware of when specifically addressing a group of people, howvere, I will maintain, as I have previously (and elsewhere) for years:
What "you" read into what I'm writing is something "you" must take responsibility for - I cannot possibly write a single post without it being offensive to someone somewhere, and I should not (and will not) censor myself for the benefit of someone with a (vastly) different cultural usage of certain words than my own.
There are words I will not use in the course of normal posting, nor in speaking, because they, to me, are crude and/or derogatory to a point that I don't see myself using them in a non-derogatory manner (excepting posts like this one where I refer to a word, I've never understood the need for using abbreviations, everyone nows what the word is - usually - and those that don't have no clue whats being talked about and can't use that nowdlegd to moderate themselves according to their environments).
However, this is the internet, and I will usually give people leeway in regards to intepreting their writing, as I said, this is the internet, and anything "we" say (post) reaches a much larger audience than "we" can possibly account for, including those that would take offense at, what to us is, innocuous things.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Levantine » Mon Aug 26, 2013 5:38 am

Taking an ex on a date to a fancy restaurant on Wednesday night. Ugh. Don't even know wtf I'm doing anymore but this feels good.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:25 am

Merriam-Webster wrote:Definition of NIGGARD
: a meanly covetous and stingy person : miser


Origin of NIGGARD
Middle English, of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse hnøggr niggardly; akin to Old English hnēaw niggardly
First Known Use: 14th century


"Niggard" although phonetically similar to "nigger" has absolutely nothing related to the word.


"Nigger" was a mispronunciation of the Spanish "negro" by Dutch slave traders.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sagara » Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:39 am

Arnock wrote:
Merriam-Webster wrote:Definition of NIGGARD
: a meanly covetous and stingy person : miser


Origin of NIGGARD
Middle English, of Scandinavian origin; akin to Old Norse hnøggr niggardly; akin to Old English hnēaw niggardly
First Known Use: 14th century


"Niggard" although phonetically similar to "nigger" has absolutely nothing related to the word.


"Nigger" was a mispronunciation of the Spanish "negro" by Dutch slave traders.


Amusing detail: "negro" and its French cousin "nègre" were pretty much the equivalent of the current english "nigger". Only reason they aren't used much anymore is they fell completely out of favor. It's actually pretty common to use the term "black" in French to dismissivly talk about people of Sub-Sahara African descent.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Skye1013 » Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:11 pm

Rhiannon wrote:
Skye1013 wrote:The N word originally had a definition of "a socially disadvantaged class of persons." Over time, it became equated with dark-skinned/black people due to constant use as a derogatory term towards them specifically.


Just an fyi, that etymology isn't accurate. It stems from latin for the word black via some descendant languages, nothing to do with social disadvantage.

Edit: you're probably thinking of the word niggard, which has a completely different etymology and is entirely distinct from the n word.

My apologies, I had the origin wrong, but that is the current definition (#3) according to Merriam-Webster.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Tue Aug 27, 2013 12:20 am

Levantine wrote:Taking an ex on a date to a fancy restaurant on Wednesday night. Ugh. Don't even know wtf I'm doing anymore but this feels good.


To quote a song, "If it makes you happy, it can't be bad".

We are considering a trip to sunny Oz at some point 'potentially' Lev. I WILL be coming to meet you if this happens.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Tue Aug 27, 2013 3:01 am

In other news.

Happy Birthday Levantine.
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