Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:09 am

Ok people, this is going to hurt, and while I don't really know you all in person I feel that over the years we have built an emotional bond so that does actually make it difficult for me to say this.

Life is too short for maybe, what if and but. If your partner isn't what/who you want then just make a clean break and man/woman up otherwise you will just waste your life away and have no happiness when you could be happy with someone who suits your personality/needs [not necessarily the right person but someone compatible nevertheless].

Shit happens, deal with it, learn from it, get with the program and make yourself and your partner happy. If that can't happen then start again.

Please note you don't have to be an arse to achieve this. Your choices will define you so it is very important to make good ones.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Thu Aug 15, 2013 9:18 am

well said bara
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:44 am

Io.Draco wrote:With regards to being a better man that's a noble goal, but I think that if you let your frustrations build up then you will eventually reach a breaking point.


So don't let your frustrations build up. But don't take them out on people when that venting will just validate their already low opinion of you, either.

It's been said, and I think this is true, that the best revenge is a life lived well. There's no need to insult someone after you've broken up with them, or send them snarky song links, or even be anything but polite and courteous to them. If that's hard, try thinking of it like this: if you start acting the ass toward them, then you're proving their point and giving them the moral high ground. You're giving THEM the "win" - basically you're winning a battle but surrendering the war.

So instead of taking your frustrations out on your exes, vent to your friends. Vent to a therapist. Vent to strangers in an elevator - hell, vent to a bartender while you're on your way to being blind stinking drunk. Get a rebound and post "happy couple" pictures to Facebook where they'll see it, do whatever you have to to let off that steam that builds up after a bad breakup. Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).

But under no circumstances should you ever - and I mean ever be anything less than a gentleman/woman to your exes themselves. That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Snake-Aes » Sat Aug 17, 2013 6:39 am

Fivelives wrote:That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.
I've always liked the notion that the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Hate's too similar to love.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Ruex » Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:14 am

Love: passion. Hate: passion. Apathy: devoid of passion. Makes sense to me.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:03 am

That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.


Assuming of course I ever cared about revenge, the truth is that I didn't. Me calling that bitch an ungrateful cunt, and that happened just a bit after I started posting in this thread here recently, was not for the sake of pissing her off or making her sad since I knew she wouldn't much give a damn for it, and I was quite right in the end about. The purpose was for me to feel better for while I had indeed ended the relationship I wasn't without regrets or doubt about doing it despite the logical side of my brain telling me it was the correct move.

The emotional side of my brain took a lot of catching up to do and I got rather sad and my depression, which I have been suffering for years ( I really don't want to get into details on this ), got a lot worse. I did vent to my friends and family, it only helped a little really.

Sending that message removed any doubt that I had fucked up the relationship or that ending it was a bad move. So now I feel a lot better about it. Would it have been better had I done it a lot earlier? Absolutely, less emotionally painful too.

Maybe I did let her "win the war" by proving to her that she did have that kind of power over me to manipulate my emotions in such a way, but since I no longer care for her damned opinion I don't see how it should concern me. It was a long distance relationship so it's not like I'll see her or again.

As for my cursing. I am the kind of person who curses a lot, it's who I am, sometimes in a serious manner, sometimes in a not so serious manner, me calling her a bitch doesn't mean I care about her or I am angry but rather that I have a complete lack of respect for her an think she deserves nothing better then to be called. I know some people don't like that or feel no one deserves to be called such, but I don't much care really.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:04 am

Io.Draco wrote: Me calling that bitch an ungrateful cunt, and that happened just a bit after I started posting in this thread here recently, was not for the sake of pissing her off or making her sad since I knew she wouldn't much give a damn for it, and I was quite right in the end about.


You might want to work through your misogyny. Just saying.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:20 am

Ah of course because calling a specific woman a bitch couldn't possibly be alluded to the fact I consider that specific person as such or hold her in such low regard as to call her that, nope instead I dislike all women. Absolutely true with regards to the latter and nothing to do with the former.

Nice try.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:32 am

Io.Draco wrote:Ah of course because calling a specific woman a bitch couldn't possibly be alluded to the fact I consider that specific person as such or hold her in such low regard as to call her that, nope instead I dislike all women. Absolutely true with regards to the latter and nothing to do with the former.

Nice try.


Do you also use racist or homophobic slurs against particular people and then justify it by saying it's just because you regard that particular person in low regard and that you don't think that all people in those groups are that slur?

Come on now.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:41 pm

Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:50 pm

Fivelives wrote:Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).


Tangent time!

I've never understood the whole "channel anger into something positive/constructive" thing. Like, I've never once been able to do anything constructive unless I'm calm. When I'm angry the only things I can do are destructive, like punching something or someone. How does one accomplish this?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:56 pm

Rhiannon wrote:Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.


Are you a woman? Those are not at all equivalent especially when men direct them at women; this is misogynist behaviour.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:08 pm

Lieris wrote:
Rhiannon wrote:Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.


Are you a woman? Those are not at all equivalent especially when men direct them at women; this is misogynist behaviour.


I'm male, but I'd suggest your interpretations are just as subjective as mine or Draco's.

If you call someone of African descent the n- word, or a homosexual a fag, you are only making a reference to their ethnicity or sexuality, and you are explicitly saying that it is a negative quality.

If you call someone the c- word, you are not solely referencing their gender as the basis of the insult. You are referencing certain behaviours (you're saying they're nasty/mean/highly unpleasant/evil), not just their gender. That to me is the key difference between the two examples.

NB I don't make a habit of calling people cunts nor am I seeking justification to do so, just explaining my interpretation.

Edit: I realised that the way I phrased it I was imposing my subjective opinion as the widespread interpretation. I should restate:

If I were to call someone the n- word I would be referencing their ethnicity in a pejorative manner. This would make me a racist.

If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.
Last edited by Rhiannon on Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:12 pm

probably not helping but throwing my 2c in anyway

when i call someone a bitch its because they are being an asshole or in some other way deserve it, and that goes for both males and females...
i call both genders pricks, assholes, bitches...

on the other hand i dont use racial/homophobic slurs

does that make me a misogynist as well?
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:27 pm

Rhiannon wrote:If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.


Certain characteristics, and their gender. You can't just ignore the gendered basis of the c-word any more than you can ignore the racial slur background of the n-word.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:35 pm

Sabindeus wrote:
Rhiannon wrote:If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.


Certain characteristics, and their gender. You can't just ignore the gendered basis of the c-word any more than you can ignore the racial slur background of the n-word.


Sure, but a woman who displays certain characteristics.

Cracker - a pejorative term for a white person
Paki - (here in the UK) a pejorative term for Pakistanis/Indians/Bangladeshis (I'm a bit bummed that being of Indian background I still get the same term thrown my way as Pakistanis, but hey, we look similar and people throwing that term around aren't going to be interested in the historical reasons why an Indian would find that doubly offensive.)
C- - a pejorative term, usually aimed at females, referencing certain behaviour.

Or to put it another way (and I'm trying hard not to come across as some racist homophobic misogynist): the only qualifier to be described as a paki in this country is looking like you come from the Indian sub-continent. Being female is not the only qualifier to be described as a c-. Being male is not the only qualifier to be described as a prick.
Last edited by Rhiannon on Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:41 pm

Sabindeus wrote:
Rhiannon wrote:If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.


Certain characteristics, and their gender. You can't just ignore the gendered basis of the c-word any more than you can ignore the racial slur background of the n-word.


Bingo.

Here's an article I just found on the Googles that I think explains things very well: http://www.shakesville.com/2007/11/on-b ... guage.html

And no bldavis it doesn't make you a misogynist, but your behaviour when you do so is just that. Language has real power and baggage. Just like me being called a cracker is not remotely equivalent to a black person being called a n***** a man being called a dick is not remotely on the same level as a woman being called a c***. Being insulted is never pleasant but there are some words that for some peoples will make their heart skip a beat and their pulse start to race. If you've never experienced that and have no words that can humiliate and trigger, well you are very privileged. Congrats.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:01 pm

It explains your point of view, yes. The fact that the author of that post was compelled to write it indicates that her point of view is not the only opinion around.

I absolutely see a distinction between using a descriptor that only references someone's ethnicity/gender/sexuality and makes a negative association with them and one that identifies those characteristics as a subsidiary to the overall idea being conveyed.

If someone calls me a paki, my interpretation is that they are saying I am of a certain ethnicity and that is a bad thing.
If someone calls me a prick, I take it to mean that they are saying that I act in a certain way and that is a bad thing, while also pointing out that I am male (but they are not passing judgement on that part).

Perhaps I am wrong in my interpretation, as now that I think about I can't actually think of a gender equivalent to racial and sexuality-based slurs. While I can think of a word that says "that person is a homosexual and I think that is a negative quality" I can't think of words for "that person is male/female and I think that is a negative quality". Maybe the words we've been talking about fill that niche and I'm just out of the loop.

I suspect neither of us are going to change each other opinions on this matter though.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:32 pm

I have to agree with Bldavis and Rhiannon on this.

For me c--- is a word purely tied to someones actions and in no way to the female gender, I infact hate that word as slang for the reproductive organs.
Generally so many words(that may have at one point been associated with male or female genitals) now are used to discribe a persons attitude or actions that they have two meanings, the act of being/performing actions of a_____, and the physical thing itself.

Words that still hold their gender ties while being insults to me would be slut or whore etc. When I hear those I think of then negitive female connotations, even when aimed at a man.
Its not the same, in my opinion for words like c---, bit-- or dick etc.

This is ofcause as others have said, my opinion as a man whos gender isn't tied to c---.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:33 pm

Rhiannon wrote:Maybe the words we've been talking about fill that niche and I'm just out of the loop.


Pretty much.

Now that that's settled, let's talk about my question instead!
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:46 pm

what was yours again?
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Amirya » Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:06 pm

Sabindeus wrote:Tangent time!

I've never understood the whole "channel anger into something positive/constructive" thing. Like, I've never once been able to do anything constructive unless I'm calm. When I'm angry the only things I can do are destructive, like punching something or someone. How does one accomplish this?

What makes you that angry that you want to punch someone? What can you do with that anger to change it so that you don't want to punch someone next time this situation happens?

Anger, at it's core, is neither constructive nor destructive - it's just raw passion. So fuel that passion into a change, for the better, that will minimize/halt this thing from ever happening again.

And sometimes, Sab, taking that anger and punching the everliving snot out of punching bags is positive.
Last edited by Amirya on Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Arnock » Mon Aug 19, 2013 4:11 pm

Sabindeus wrote:
Fivelives wrote:Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).


Tangent time!

I've never understood the whole "channel anger into something positive/constructive" thing. Like, I've never once been able to do anything constructive unless I'm calm. When I'm angry the only things I can do are destructive, like punching something or someone. How does one accomplish this?



Hit the gym, anger is a surprisingly effective motivator for grinding through a heavy rep.


As for the profanity topic, I think there's a world of difference between racial slurs and bitch/cunt.

Using a racial slur implies that the target of the insult is inherently inferior because of their race. You're attacking that person's identity.

Bitch/cunt, alongside asshole/dick/prick, are usually done in response to actions or attitude, and there's a huge difference in that degree. Furthermore, all of the aforementioned words can be used to equally insult men and women, whereas, with few exceptions, racial slurs are only really offensive when directed against a member of that race.

Slut/whore, though, imo, could be considered up there alongside racial slurs.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:03 pm

Thank you for mansplaining to me why bitch and cunt are not sexist words.

There aren't enough roll eyes smilies in the world. :roll: :roll:
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:07 pm

now that we have a treadclimber...i have a new way to burn stress
get on it and walk for a while til my knee pain out weighs the stress! :D
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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