Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Barathorn » Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:09 am

Ok people, this is going to hurt, and while I don't really know you all in person I feel that over the years we have built an emotional bond so that does actually make it difficult for me to say this.

Life is too short for maybe, what if and but. If your partner isn't what/who you want then just make a clean break and man/woman up otherwise you will just waste your life away and have no happiness when you could be happy with someone who suits your personality/needs [not necessarily the right person but someone compatible nevertheless].

Shit happens, deal with it, learn from it, get with the program and make yourself and your partner happy. If that can't happen then start again.

Please note you don't have to be an arse to achieve this. Your choices will define you so it is very important to make good ones.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Thu Aug 15, 2013 9:18 am

well said bara
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Sat Aug 17, 2013 5:44 am

Io.Draco wrote:With regards to being a better man that's a noble goal, but I think that if you let your frustrations build up then you will eventually reach a breaking point.


So don't let your frustrations build up. But don't take them out on people when that venting will just validate their already low opinion of you, either.

It's been said, and I think this is true, that the best revenge is a life lived well. There's no need to insult someone after you've broken up with them, or send them snarky song links, or even be anything but polite and courteous to them. If that's hard, try thinking of it like this: if you start acting the ass toward them, then you're proving their point and giving them the moral high ground. You're giving THEM the "win" - basically you're winning a battle but surrendering the war.

So instead of taking your frustrations out on your exes, vent to your friends. Vent to a therapist. Vent to strangers in an elevator - hell, vent to a bartender while you're on your way to being blind stinking drunk. Get a rebound and post "happy couple" pictures to Facebook where they'll see it, do whatever you have to to let off that steam that builds up after a bad breakup. Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).

But under no circumstances should you ever - and I mean ever be anything less than a gentleman/woman to your exes themselves. That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Snake-Aes » Sat Aug 17, 2013 6:39 am

Fivelives wrote:That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.
I've always liked the notion that the opposite of love is apathy, not hate. Hate's too similar to love.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Ruex » Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:14 am

Love: passion. Hate: passion. Apathy: devoid of passion. Makes sense to me.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:03 am

That's the best revenge you can ever take, simply showing them that they no longer matter in your universe.


Assuming of course I ever cared about revenge, the truth is that I didn't. Me calling that bitch an ungrateful cunt, and that happened just a bit after I started posting in this thread here recently, was not for the sake of pissing her off or making her sad since I knew she wouldn't much give a damn for it, and I was quite right in the end about. The purpose was for me to feel better for while I had indeed ended the relationship I wasn't without regrets or doubt about doing it despite the logical side of my brain telling me it was the correct move.

The emotional side of my brain took a lot of catching up to do and I got rather sad and my depression, which I have been suffering for years ( I really don't want to get into details on this ), got a lot worse. I did vent to my friends and family, it only helped a little really.

Sending that message removed any doubt that I had fucked up the relationship or that ending it was a bad move. So now I feel a lot better about it. Would it have been better had I done it a lot earlier? Absolutely, less emotionally painful too.

Maybe I did let her "win the war" by proving to her that she did have that kind of power over me to manipulate my emotions in such a way, but since I no longer care for her damned opinion I don't see how it should concern me. It was a long distance relationship so it's not like I'll see her or again.

As for my cursing. I am the kind of person who curses a lot, it's who I am, sometimes in a serious manner, sometimes in a not so serious manner, me calling her a bitch doesn't mean I care about her or I am angry but rather that I have a complete lack of respect for her an think she deserves nothing better then to be called. I know some people don't like that or feel no one deserves to be called such, but I don't much care really.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:04 am

Io.Draco wrote: Me calling that bitch an ungrateful cunt, and that happened just a bit after I started posting in this thread here recently, was not for the sake of pissing her off or making her sad since I knew she wouldn't much give a damn for it, and I was quite right in the end about.


You might want to work through your misogyny. Just saying.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:20 am

Ah of course because calling a specific woman a bitch couldn't possibly be alluded to the fact I consider that specific person as such or hold her in such low regard as to call her that, nope instead I dislike all women. Absolutely true with regards to the latter and nothing to do with the former.

Nice try.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 10:32 am

Io.Draco wrote:Ah of course because calling a specific woman a bitch couldn't possibly be alluded to the fact I consider that specific person as such or hold her in such low regard as to call her that, nope instead I dislike all women. Absolutely true with regards to the latter and nothing to do with the former.

Nice try.


Do you also use racist or homophobic slurs against particular people and then justify it by saying it's just because you regard that particular person in low regard and that you don't think that all people in those groups are that slur?

Come on now.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:41 pm

Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:50 pm

Fivelives wrote:Channel the energy into something positive, maybe take up a sport or start putting in the effort to get a promotion at work. Go back to school, learn a new skill or language. There are a million different ways to vent that don't involve calling your ex an "ungrateful cunt" (even if she is. Particularly if she is).


Tangent time!

I've never understood the whole "channel anger into something positive/constructive" thing. Like, I've never once been able to do anything constructive unless I'm calm. When I'm angry the only things I can do are destructive, like punching something or someone. How does one accomplish this?
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:56 pm

Rhiannon wrote:Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.


Are you a woman? Those are not at all equivalent especially when men direct them at women; this is misogynist behaviour.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Rhiannon » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:08 pm

Lieris wrote:
Rhiannon wrote:Eh, maybe there's a massive disconnect in our sociolinguistic backgrounds but in my lexicon 'bitch' and 'cunt' are roughly equivalent to 'asshole' and 'prick'.


Are you a woman? Those are not at all equivalent especially when men direct them at women; this is misogynist behaviour.


I'm male, but I'd suggest your interpretations are just as subjective as mine or Draco's.

If you call someone of African descent the n- word, or a homosexual a fag, you are only making a reference to their ethnicity or sexuality, and you are explicitly saying that it is a negative quality.

If you call someone the c- word, you are not solely referencing their gender as the basis of the insult. You are referencing certain behaviours (you're saying they're nasty/mean/highly unpleasant/evil), not just their gender. That to me is the key difference between the two examples.

NB I don't make a habit of calling people cunts nor am I seeking justification to do so, just explaining my interpretation.

Edit: I realised that the way I phrased it I was imposing my subjective opinion as the widespread interpretation. I should restate:

If I were to call someone the n- word I would be referencing their ethnicity in a pejorative manner. This would make me a racist.

If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.
Last edited by Rhiannon on Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:12 pm

probably not helping but throwing my 2c in anyway

when i call someone a bitch its because they are being an asshole or in some other way deserve it, and that goes for both males and females...
i call both genders pricks, assholes, bitches...

on the other hand i dont use racial/homophobic slurs

does that make me a misogynist as well?
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Sabindeus » Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:27 pm

Rhiannon wrote:If I were to call someone the c- word I would be referencing certain behavioral characteristics in a pejorative manner. I don't believe this would make me a misogynist.


Certain characteristics, and their gender. You can't just ignore the gendered basis of the c-word any more than you can ignore the racial slur background of the n-word.
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