Remove Advertisements

Relationships

Invisusira's playground

Moderators: Aergis, Invisusira

Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:05 pm

Oh well it's not surprising that if you allow yourself to be used you will be. That was my mistake, but eh you do it thinking that you love this person and you don't want to it, but it's a grave error.

That's probably what pissed of my ex, that she lost her little bitch willing to tolerate her every BS move.
User avatar
Io.Draco
 
Posts: 1629
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:33 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:24 pm

katraya wrote:Finally, whether or not to have kids is a big fucking deal. If you're only willing to go further based on the hope that she may change her mind, I wouldn't do it. Even taking all the other stuff out about her medical history. If she truly does not want another kid and you're not sure you can live with that I wouldn't make such a big move.


I agree, this is pretty much the ultimate deal breaker in a relationship. If the two of you are not on the same page about this, it's almost certainly not going to end well. I think once you reach a certain age or maturity it's something you establish fairly early on while still dating during discussions about where you're at and what you want from life, long before it gets serious.
Lieris
Maintankadonor
 
Posts: 2181
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:49 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Sun Aug 11, 2013 2:34 pm

Era wrote:I think the best way to "take a break" or similar is to:

1. Both parties agree that it's just not working out at the moment.

2. But also agree that you'd like to be together, maybe in the future, at some unspecified time.

3. Sever all ties.


This is basically what we did a while back when we stopped dating and decided to reset back a step or two due to all the issues long distance relationships give.

The only difference is we didn't sever all ties we just broke up and agreed we both want to be together just not right now and not while in different countries. The in different countries was the big one since she doesn't have relationships often, but when she does she wants to go all in and being long distance, she can't do that.


Io.Draco wrote:that she lost her little bitch willing to tolerate her every BS move.

I think thats just the thing with some woman, they don't care about you until they realise they have lost their little 'pet'. It is such a great feeling once you are out from under that thumb though.
User avatar
Orthien
 
Posts: 283
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:59 am

Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sun Aug 11, 2013 5:30 pm

it is almost amusing just how much she is trying to talk to me suddenly...
Image

Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
User avatar
bldavis
 
Posts: 7347
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:04 pm
Location: Searching for myself. If i get back before I return, please have me stop and wait for myself.

Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:35 pm

Just as long as you can stay strong minded and smart enough to know that the flytrap has not changed its mind on eating you, it just wants to lure back the one that slipped out of its jaws.
User avatar
Orthien
 
Posts: 283
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:59 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:37 pm

I think thats just the thing with some woman, they don't care about you until they realise they have lost their little 'pet'. It is such a great feeling once you are out from under that thumb though.


This, so much of this. It's so liberating to finally be able to give her a piece of your mind without having to give a damn about how she will get angry at you.
Last edited by Io.Draco on Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Io.Draco
 
Posts: 1629
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:33 am

Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:24 pm

im trying to be nice but i am really thinking about linking her "Its not you" by Halestorm...

:)
Image

Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
User avatar
bldavis
 
Posts: 7347
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:04 pm
Location: Searching for myself. If i get back before I return, please have me stop and wait for myself.

Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:33 am

I've had a crash course in "being the bigger person" over the last couple of months, so I feel for you bldavis.

I started seeing someone - introduced to me by a mutual friend who I've known for 17 years - back last November. She was separated and going through a divorce, living with her mom and sister while looking for work, etc. In January, she was told she had 2 weeks to find a job or a different place to stay, so I figured since I was never home anyway, she could just move in with me. We'd been hitting it off rather swimmingly, and she hid her crazy* rather well.

I should've booted her ass to the curb the first time she cheated on me and I caught her. See, her "freshly fucked" odor was reminiscent of a fish market that'd been left in the sun to rot for a week or so, and you could smell it through 2 layers of clothing from 5-6 feet away... in gale force winds. It was honestly that bad. I came home from work one morning and smelled it on her, but didn't mention it. A couple days later, I thought I saw a game notification on my iPhone from Words With Friends. Turns out it was actually her iPod (the two look eerily similar from a front view), and when I went to turn the notifications back off, I opened it up and saw a chat history between her and the guy she cheated on me with. Then I couldn't ignore it any longer, so I talked to her about it. She said she went over to his place for drinks, he got handsy, and she made him take her home. I took it at face value, because I'm nothing if not a proponent for keeping the domestic peace.

Anyway, fast forward about a month or two. I'd left my phone at home because I was running a bit late for work and didn't think to pick it up. She had a facetime conversation with another guy - on my phone - and had also texted him a number of nude selfies. I found those and called her on it - apparently he was having an argument with his wife so they had facetime sex. I made her apologize to his wife and explain what had happened and thought nothing more of it. Again, keeping domestic peace is very important to me and I honestly don't really think about sex all that often - if at all - but I was working in the neighborhood of 80 hours a week to keep student loans paid ahead, a roof over our heads, car payments and other bills sorted. I should have, again, booted her ass to the curb at that point.

We'd earlier made plans to move up to Washington state, because I really do think that western washington is the closest I've ever come to heaven on earth, and eventually I will move back there. Then she told me that her ex husband had decided to move to Utah with their 3 year old, and she wanted to get custody. So I started taking a few days off every week to help her get a job (she had no driver's license, thanks to being "battery operated" - she had an implanted defibrilator and apparently that's a bar to having a license) and also found her a bunch of lawyers willing to take her case pro bono. I also postponed the move to Washington and locked myself into a year-long contract at work, ensuring that I'll be living in this shithole at least until next May or June, possibly longer. There's an option in my contract for my employer to extend it for no longer than 4 months if they're having difficulties hiring someone to fill my spot.

I thought I was going to spend that time helping my girlfriend - who had been dropping the marriage hints (which I wasn't entirely averse to - it's rare to find someone who's okay with my "situation") - in a knock down drag out custody battle for her son. Boy, was I ever wrong.

In June (June 6th, actually), she decided to break up with me. During the breakup, she finally admitted that she'd cheated on me more than I caught her at. Once with a guy for a couple of cigarettes, once with a guy just because she'd had a couple of drinks alone with him at his place (caught her on that one), once with a guy just because he admitted to having a crush on her in high school, once with a guy just because he was arguing with his wife (caught her on that one), and 3 different times with different long-haul truckers as they were passing through town that she'd found on craigslist. Those times, she said she was "going to her grandmother's house to visit".

Then 4 days later, she came back while I was a couple of hours away at the VA hospital having a couple of tests run, and robbed my place. She stole close to $300 in cash, 85 of my pain pills (45 morphine and 40 oxycodone), and a bunch of little brick-a-brack that I'd been dragging around with me for years and some spare towels (? Really? Who the fuck steals TOWELS?). Oh, she also stole all of the food I had in the house. The cop who responded to the call didn't even take a written statement from me, and only charged her with petty theft for the collectibles. It's not even enough to be prosecuted over, really.

Couple of weeks later, I was going through my storage unit and found a box she'd forgotten. It had her wedding album in it, and I was sorely tempted to either burn it or take it to the range and use it for target practice. Instead, I took it back to her mother's house, where her sister decided it would be a really good time to threaten me. THREATEN ME. At that point, I was tempted to firebomb their house, with or without anyone in it.

But instead, I've been fighting a daily battle since then to be the bigger person. It can be done, even though it's difficult. And when you have a bad breakup, it's even more difficult, but just think of the person that you want to be. The person that I want to be isn't a petty, small-minded jackass who goes in for the small "wins" at making other people feel miserable. I said some pretty harsh things to my ex while we were breaking up, but that's the only time you ever get a pass on doing what I did that day - I didn't just burn that bridge, I took off and nuked it from orbit then sowed the radioactive leftovers with salt and ashes.

So don't think of it as "you being nice" so much as "being the person you want to someday become". It gets easier when you think of it that way, especially as you'll be tempted to maintain some string of contact with her that you can use to make her feel like shit. She got her licks in, you got your licks in, and just call it even at quits.

*Being that I'm asexual, I will "date" any shape, size, color, orientation, religious belief, etc... the ONLY thing I care about in a partner is how well they hide their crazy. We've all got our own special brand of crazy, every one of us, and how well we hide it is what determines how happy we will be in any given relationship. That's my philosophy, at least.
- I'm not Jesus, but I can turn water into Kool-Aid.
- A Sergeant in motion outranks an officer who doesn't know what the hell is going on.
- A demolitions specialist at a flat run outranks everybody.
User avatar
Fivelives
 
Posts: 3108
Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2008 7:55 pm

Re: Relationships

Postby Darielle » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:39 am

Met a girl last week.

Today she's all like "Can you help out and pay my rent" and when I was all "Yeah that's a bit soon, but I don't find helping out for some meals or with groceries and stuff like", she goes "Yeah that's cool, can you send $30 in internet banking".

I paused, and then slowly typed out that I meant more as in I'd actually help her shop or cook or something, not just throw her $30 when I barely know her. In more polite words.

Somehow I don't think I'll be hearing back.
Darielle
 
Posts: 1317
Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 2:41 am
Location: Auckland, New Zealand

Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 12, 2013 7:24 am

man fivelives...that is rough to go through.
i can kind of relate because similar things happened in my marriage and divorce, but yeah not that bad.

as for being nice to my ex fiance...well i am trying to be the bigger man, but ill have to put my foot down and say look we arent getting back together at any point in the foreseeable future.
maybe ill send her the song if something else develops and she still hasnt gotten a clue (possibility right now but we are both trying to take it slow for various reasons..one of which being distance and the fact i just "broke up" with someone)
Image

Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
User avatar
bldavis
 
Posts: 7347
Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:04 pm
Location: Searching for myself. If i get back before I return, please have me stop and wait for myself.

Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Mon Aug 12, 2013 2:18 pm

Wow fivelives sorry to hear about that, sounds like you really managed to find a winner there. Good on you for sticking to the high ground though, doubt if after all that I would of when her family started at me.


Darielle I am sure you will have saved yourself all kinds of trouble if you don't hear back from her. While I have never dated one, I have had friends like her and no good has ever come from them.
User avatar
Orthien
 
Posts: 283
Joined: Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:59 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:39 am

With regards to being a better man that's a noble goal, but I think that if you let your frustrations build up then you will eventually reach a breaking point.

That happened to me. I tolerated a lot of my girlfriend's bullshit and her neglect towards our relationship but when the bitch dared to accuse me of not giving her a chance, even though I gave her a lot of chances by that point, I lost it.

Wen I say that it I mean I sent her a message which might as well have contained a nuke. The words "ungrateful" and "cunt" were used to say the least. My mistake was not breaking up months before I did.

I think that the best course of action is not tolerate too much bullshit from your partner and just simply ending it. Better for yourself in the long run.
User avatar
Io.Draco
 
Posts: 1629
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 1:33 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Fridmarr » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:13 pm

Being the better man doesn't mean that you have to tolerate abuse just that you don't respond with abuse yourself.
Fridmarr
Global Mod
 
Posts: 9665
Joined: Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:03 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:51 am

Fridmarr wrote:Being the better man doesn't mean that you have to tolerate abuse just that you don't respond with abuse yourself.


Agreed. Using gendered insults is really off and it reflects poorly on you as a person. It's bad enough saying them at the time in anger but to continue to do so on here with such malice is something I really don't like.

I know bitch seems really tame to some but when I get called one IRL with real intent to insult it will stick with me for a long time, especially if it comes from a guy. It's really deeply unpleasant.
Lieris
Maintankadonor
 
Posts: 2181
Joined: Mon Jun 18, 2007 7:49 am

Re: Relationships

Postby Era » Wed Aug 14, 2013 2:46 pm

Image
"Ask stupid questions. Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer,
not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant."
User avatar
Era
 
Posts: 1256
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 5:51 am
Location: Norway

PreviousNext

Return to Arkham Asylum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


Remove Advertisements

Who is online

In total there is 1 user online :: 0 registered, 0 hidden and 1 guest (based on users active over the past 5 minutes)
Most users ever online was 380 on Tue Oct 14, 2008 6:28 pm

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest