Relationships

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Re: Relationships

Postby Amirya » Wed Aug 07, 2013 10:51 am

...I thought you broke up with her two years ago?

/boggle
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Wed Aug 07, 2013 11:34 am

decided to, but was waiting to talk to her cause i didnt want to be a jackass who breaks up with someone through a text or email...
i finally said fuck it and just gave up on that
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:59 pm

Fridmarr wrote:Don't go through life kicking yourself in the ass over letting that "perfect" woman get away, while hopelessly comparing any future relationship to what you could have had with her. Of course, if you are getting a vibe that you aren't so perfect for her...that's a different story.


That first part is my thoughts exactly for wanting to go over there.

The main ways in which shes quite different is that shes not a very emotion based person, to the point where shes know by some of her friends as 'The Ice Queen'.
Saying that, when things were going well while she was over here last she definitely let her guard down and did 'warm' up a lot, though from talking to her she still didn't feel nearly as strongly for me as I did for her. But if its still the strongest she can feel I spose its not to bad.

The other big thing is that she doesn't want anymore kids. She already has one of her own who I have met and she is adoreable and fantastic, but I would like at least one of my own one day.
I know she hasn't always felt like this so there could be the small chance of her mind changing back but I am not sure if I would resent her later should it not. And even if she did change her mind, her daughter was already a small miricle as she has various health issues to prevent her from safely conceiving.



Sorry to hear about the official end to your relationship bldavis, even when you know things are over its never nice when they actually do end.
Sometimes though it can very quickly turn into a great thing. I know when my last serious relationship ended, I would have done anything to hold on to it, but once it was over I quickly realised how much of a good thing it was to finally be free of it and able to move on.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Amirya » Wed Aug 07, 2013 3:22 pm

I can't comment on the emotional aspects of this, but the other part about offspring.

This is a deal breaker for some people, so here's the question I pose to you: how badly do you want a child who is of your blood? Is adoption not an option for you? If you want this biological child very badly, are you willing to risk the health and life of this woman, already knowing that pregnancy is a health concern that may not end well?

(I've known a few guys for which this actually was a deal breaker.)
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Wed Aug 07, 2013 5:15 pm

Orthien wrote:Sorry to hear about the official end to your relationship bldavis, even when you know things are over its never nice when they actually do end.
Sometimes though it can very quickly turn into a great thing. I know when my last serious relationship ended, I would have done anything to hold on to it, but once it was over I quickly realised how much of a good thing it was to finally be free of it and able to move on.

i agree... and with other relationships having changed recently it is a welcome change to let go of something i was holding on to simply for fear of being alone
it feels really great to be free from that anchor, like a huge weight has been lifted even though i knew it was over long ago.

i hope everything goes well with your relationship as well.
if it was possible to have another child safely, there may be hope but if she is like my ex wife's cousin..that just isnt an option. (doctors told Vandie that if she got pregnant again, it would most likely kill her)

like Ami said, i guess it really comes down to how badly you want a child of your own blood.
personally i have one..and almost wish i didnt due to my families health history..
if i had a chance though, i would want some more i created and raised, but if it meant the health of the woman i loved to get it..i couldnt do that. i would be looking into adoption if it meant raising a child with her, and giving an unwanted/orphaned child a home and a family they may not have otherwise.

if you truly do feel the need for a child of your bloodline..there is the surrogate option.
i dont know the cost or anything but if she cannot get pregnant/deliver a child without major health risks, and you feel that strongly it might be a solution for you.
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Thu Aug 08, 2013 3:43 am

While there is a bit of risk for her as it is also greatly about a very low chance of the child surviving.

For me its just wanting something of my own blood to raise and what not. As it stands I would be happy to just be a stepdad for her daughter as we get on well but its that fear that it could be a thing to eat at me.

I have started looking at what it takes to move to Aussie, thinking I do need to just suck it up and make a leap.


Good to hear you can already see the positives bldavis.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Thu Aug 08, 2013 4:47 am

is it something about her body that causes the risk, or is it genetic?
if it is merely her body..well like i said you could go surrogate route..

ty for the support, it was looking at the positives that finally made me say f-it and cut the tie.
there might be something in the works, but it is far too early to say anything about it and right now i want to enjoy being single
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:08 am

Fear of being alone is never a good reason to enter into, or stay in, a relationship. Good on you.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Thu Aug 08, 2013 6:20 pm

To be honest I am not 100% sure exactly, It could be a direct result of or just enhanced by the cancer and its treatments though she has her fair share of genetic medical issues.
Surrogacy is definitely an option assuming that she did change her mind down the road of cause.

Fivelives wrote:Fear of being alone is never a good reason to enter into, or stay in, a relationship.


Its amazing how many relationships hang around from this though. I have been there and I know a few people I am sure are there too.


Edit:
As much as I am crazy about this girl and think about her constantly, I can't help but think that I am doomed to heart break ether way.
Even though she told me she wants to start conversations in her own time so I am not getting too talky when shes busy I decided to message her just now after more than a week of nothing where shes been online all day the last few days.
Instantly it was all cold and distant and didn't last long before she ended the conversation.

I think the age old statement of "Bitches be crazy" applys here.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Era » Fri Aug 09, 2013 2:51 am

I don't know man, sounds like you deserve better. I'm sure she's wonderful, even if she can be cold and distant, but it's just not fair to you (in my opinion). Maybe she needs some space, that's fine, but no good comes of you hurting from a distance all that time. I think the best way to "take a break" or similar is to:

1. Both parties agree that it's just not working out at the moment. Don't have to agree just as much, but I think there has to be some level of realising that it's at least not as good as it could be.

2. But also agree that you'd like to be together, maybe in the future, at some unspecified time. In another setting, another place, another time. That you both think that it could work, just not right now.

3. Sever all ties. Even though realising there's a risk you'll never see each other again. Neither of you can properly "heal" or realise that you actually do want / don't want to be with each other after all, if the other is always looming in the background.

Maybe one of you finds someone else. Maybe both of you do. Maybe it lasts a year or two, or five, and maybe you then get back together. Or maybe you don't. Or maybe you realise it just wasn't as good as you thought it was. There's a lot of maybes, but you won't find out if you're spending your nights hurting over someone who won't return your affection. :(

^ Just my thoughts on the matter, I'm by no means an expert on the subject. :P
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Fri Aug 09, 2013 7:21 am

Era wrote:^ Just my thoughts on the matter, I'm by no means an expert on the subject. :P

that is what this thread is for
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby katraya » Fri Aug 09, 2013 10:55 am

I don't know where you are now but being that Australia a big ass island in the middle of no where, it doesn't sound like a small thing to move that far. I'm all for the idea that it's better to regret what you have done than what you have not but in this case I don't know if that holds true.

It seems from your edit that communication is poor. That's a major issue since communication is the most essential thing in a relationship. And "I'll start conversations when I feel like it, until then leave me a lone" unless you're in the dog house for something major, is no way to have a relationship.

"Saying that, when things were going well while she was over here last she definitely let her guard down and did 'warm' up a lot, though from talking to her she still didn't feel nearly as strongly for me as I did for her. But if its still the strongest she can feel I spose its not to bad."

Sometimes the best another person can give is just not good enough. You shouldn't have to settle for less than a relatively equal relationship.

Finally, whether or not to have kids is a big fucking deal. If you're only willing to go further based on the hope that she may change her mind, I wouldn't do it. Even taking all the other stuff out about her medical history. If she truly does not want another kid and you're not sure you can live with that I wouldn't make such a big move.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Fri Aug 09, 2013 9:49 pm

slight derail - finally figured out how to get her to talk to me again! i just had to break up with her!
i mean i had been suggesting skype for a fucking year, and the night we finally "officially" break up is the night she finally gets it

i will never understand women...but thankfully that is one i never have to deal with again
shit 3 years is an awful dam long pregnancy and that is the only thing that would make me want to talk to her again (gotta find out where to send papers suing for custody and a paternity test right?)
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Sat Aug 10, 2013 12:33 pm

slight derail - finally figured out how to get her to talk to me again! i just had to break up with her!
i mean i had been suggesting skype for a fucking year, and the night we finally "officially" break up is the night she finally gets it



Of course that would happen. Had a girlfriend not too long ago who started to ignore me big time while expecting me to just deal with it. When I did eventually break up after 2 weeks of almost no contact I also sent a text message since she had not come online on anything during that time.

Funny thing is after sending that message the very next day she came online on skype in the middle of the day, something she almost had never done ever because she was "too busy", just to bitch and moan at me about how I should have waited.

Last I recalled I didn't owe the bitch anything. My mistake was even waiting as long as I did and in essence becoming her bitch for a time.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sat Aug 10, 2013 12:44 pm

sounds eerily similar...lol
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Sat Aug 10, 2013 1:05 pm

Oh well it's not surprising that if you allow yourself to be used you will be. That was my mistake, but eh you do it thinking that you love this person and you don't want to it, but it's a grave error.

That's probably what pissed of my ex, that she lost her little bitch willing to tolerate her every BS move.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Lieris » Sat Aug 10, 2013 2:24 pm

katraya wrote:Finally, whether or not to have kids is a big fucking deal. If you're only willing to go further based on the hope that she may change her mind, I wouldn't do it. Even taking all the other stuff out about her medical history. If she truly does not want another kid and you're not sure you can live with that I wouldn't make such a big move.


I agree, this is pretty much the ultimate deal breaker in a relationship. If the two of you are not on the same page about this, it's almost certainly not going to end well. I think once you reach a certain age or maturity it's something you establish fairly early on while still dating during discussions about where you're at and what you want from life, long before it gets serious.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Sun Aug 11, 2013 2:34 pm

Era wrote:I think the best way to "take a break" or similar is to:

1. Both parties agree that it's just not working out at the moment.

2. But also agree that you'd like to be together, maybe in the future, at some unspecified time.

3. Sever all ties.


This is basically what we did a while back when we stopped dating and decided to reset back a step or two due to all the issues long distance relationships give.

The only difference is we didn't sever all ties we just broke up and agreed we both want to be together just not right now and not while in different countries. The in different countries was the big one since she doesn't have relationships often, but when she does she wants to go all in and being long distance, she can't do that.


Io.Draco wrote:that she lost her little bitch willing to tolerate her every BS move.

I think thats just the thing with some woman, they don't care about you until they realise they have lost their little 'pet'. It is such a great feeling once you are out from under that thumb though.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sun Aug 11, 2013 5:30 pm

it is almost amusing just how much she is trying to talk to me suddenly...
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Orthien » Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:35 pm

Just as long as you can stay strong minded and smart enough to know that the flytrap has not changed its mind on eating you, it just wants to lure back the one that slipped out of its jaws.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Io.Draco » Sun Aug 11, 2013 7:37 pm

I think thats just the thing with some woman, they don't care about you until they realise they have lost their little 'pet'. It is such a great feeling once you are out from under that thumb though.


This, so much of this. It's so liberating to finally be able to give her a piece of your mind without having to give a damn about how she will get angry at you.
Last edited by Io.Draco on Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Sun Aug 11, 2013 9:24 pm

im trying to be nice but i am really thinking about linking her "Its not you" by Halestorm...

:)
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Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Fivelives » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:33 am

I've had a crash course in "being the bigger person" over the last couple of months, so I feel for you bldavis.

I started seeing someone - introduced to me by a mutual friend who I've known for 17 years - back last November. She was separated and going through a divorce, living with her mom and sister while looking for work, etc. In January, she was told she had 2 weeks to find a job or a different place to stay, so I figured since I was never home anyway, she could just move in with me. We'd been hitting it off rather swimmingly, and she hid her crazy* rather well.

I should've booted her ass to the curb the first time she cheated on me and I caught her. See, her "freshly fucked" odor was reminiscent of a fish market that'd been left in the sun to rot for a week or so, and you could smell it through 2 layers of clothing from 5-6 feet away... in gale force winds. It was honestly that bad. I came home from work one morning and smelled it on her, but didn't mention it. A couple days later, I thought I saw a game notification on my iPhone from Words With Friends. Turns out it was actually her iPod (the two look eerily similar from a front view), and when I went to turn the notifications back off, I opened it up and saw a chat history between her and the guy she cheated on me with. Then I couldn't ignore it any longer, so I talked to her about it. She said she went over to his place for drinks, he got handsy, and she made him take her home. I took it at face value, because I'm nothing if not a proponent for keeping the domestic peace.

Anyway, fast forward about a month or two. I'd left my phone at home because I was running a bit late for work and didn't think to pick it up. She had a facetime conversation with another guy - on my phone - and had also texted him a number of nude selfies. I found those and called her on it - apparently he was having an argument with his wife so they had facetime sex. I made her apologize to his wife and explain what had happened and thought nothing more of it. Again, keeping domestic peace is very important to me and I honestly don't really think about sex all that often - if at all - but I was working in the neighborhood of 80 hours a week to keep student loans paid ahead, a roof over our heads, car payments and other bills sorted. I should have, again, booted her ass to the curb at that point.

We'd earlier made plans to move up to Washington state, because I really do think that western washington is the closest I've ever come to heaven on earth, and eventually I will move back there. Then she told me that her ex husband had decided to move to Utah with their 3 year old, and she wanted to get custody. So I started taking a few days off every week to help her get a job (she had no driver's license, thanks to being "battery operated" - she had an implanted defibrilator and apparently that's a bar to having a license) and also found her a bunch of lawyers willing to take her case pro bono. I also postponed the move to Washington and locked myself into a year-long contract at work, ensuring that I'll be living in this shithole at least until next May or June, possibly longer. There's an option in my contract for my employer to extend it for no longer than 4 months if they're having difficulties hiring someone to fill my spot.

I thought I was going to spend that time helping my girlfriend - who had been dropping the marriage hints (which I wasn't entirely averse to - it's rare to find someone who's okay with my "situation") - in a knock down drag out custody battle for her son. Boy, was I ever wrong.

In June (June 6th, actually), she decided to break up with me. During the breakup, she finally admitted that she'd cheated on me more than I caught her at. Once with a guy for a couple of cigarettes, once with a guy just because she'd had a couple of drinks alone with him at his place (caught her on that one), once with a guy just because he admitted to having a crush on her in high school, once with a guy just because he was arguing with his wife (caught her on that one), and 3 different times with different long-haul truckers as they were passing through town that she'd found on craigslist. Those times, she said she was "going to her grandmother's house to visit".

Then 4 days later, she came back while I was a couple of hours away at the VA hospital having a couple of tests run, and robbed my place. She stole close to $300 in cash, 85 of my pain pills (45 morphine and 40 oxycodone), and a bunch of little brick-a-brack that I'd been dragging around with me for years and some spare towels (? Really? Who the fuck steals TOWELS?). Oh, she also stole all of the food I had in the house. The cop who responded to the call didn't even take a written statement from me, and only charged her with petty theft for the collectibles. It's not even enough to be prosecuted over, really.

Couple of weeks later, I was going through my storage unit and found a box she'd forgotten. It had her wedding album in it, and I was sorely tempted to either burn it or take it to the range and use it for target practice. Instead, I took it back to her mother's house, where her sister decided it would be a really good time to threaten me. THREATEN ME. At that point, I was tempted to firebomb their house, with or without anyone in it.

But instead, I've been fighting a daily battle since then to be the bigger person. It can be done, even though it's difficult. And when you have a bad breakup, it's even more difficult, but just think of the person that you want to be. The person that I want to be isn't a petty, small-minded jackass who goes in for the small "wins" at making other people feel miserable. I said some pretty harsh things to my ex while we were breaking up, but that's the only time you ever get a pass on doing what I did that day - I didn't just burn that bridge, I took off and nuked it from orbit then sowed the radioactive leftovers with salt and ashes.

So don't think of it as "you being nice" so much as "being the person you want to someday become". It gets easier when you think of it that way, especially as you'll be tempted to maintain some string of contact with her that you can use to make her feel like shit. She got her licks in, you got your licks in, and just call it even at quits.

*Being that I'm asexual, I will "date" any shape, size, color, orientation, religious belief, etc... the ONLY thing I care about in a partner is how well they hide their crazy. We've all got our own special brand of crazy, every one of us, and how well we hide it is what determines how happy we will be in any given relationship. That's my philosophy, at least.
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Re: Relationships

Postby Darielle » Mon Aug 12, 2013 1:39 am

Met a girl last week.

Today she's all like "Can you help out and pay my rent" and when I was all "Yeah that's a bit soon, but I don't find helping out for some meals or with groceries and stuff like", she goes "Yeah that's cool, can you send $30 in internet banking".

I paused, and then slowly typed out that I meant more as in I'd actually help her shop or cook or something, not just throw her $30 when I barely know her. In more polite words.

Somehow I don't think I'll be hearing back.
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Re: Relationships

Postby bldavis » Mon Aug 12, 2013 7:24 am

man fivelives...that is rough to go through.
i can kind of relate because similar things happened in my marriage and divorce, but yeah not that bad.

as for being nice to my ex fiance...well i am trying to be the bigger man, but ill have to put my foot down and say look we arent getting back together at any point in the foreseeable future.
maybe ill send her the song if something else develops and she still hasnt gotten a clue (possibility right now but we are both trying to take it slow for various reasons..one of which being distance and the fact i just "broke up" with someone)
Image

Brekkie:Tanks are like shitty DPS. And healers are like REALLY distracted DPS
Amirya:Why yes, your penis is longer than his because you hit 30k dps in the first 10 seconds. But guess what? That raid boss has a dick bigger than your ego.
Flex:I don't make mistakes. I execute carefully planned strategic group wipes.
Levie:(in /g) It's weird, I have a collar and I dont know where I got it from, Worgen are kinky!
Levie:Drunk Lev goes and does what he pleases just to annoy sober Lev.
Sagara:You see, you need to *spread* the bun before you insert the hot dog.
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bldavis
 
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Joined: Mon Sep 07, 2009 12:04 pm
Location: Searching for myself. If i get back before I return, please have me stop and wait for myself.

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